America's Next Top Model
The Girl With The Deliciously Tacky Dance

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Drunken Angel

We see Keenyah and Brittany get served breakfast in the bed of love they shared the night before. Brittany gives Keenyah a coy look and says, "To breakfast in bed. May there be many more." When did this show become an episode of The L Word? Oh, right. Last season.

Meanwhile, the other girls are puzzled as their van drives them into the deserted depths of the California desert. They roll up to a deserted gas station where they are met, of course, by Jay Manuel in his most hideous outfit ever. Yes, ever. He's wearing a denim jean jacket with shiny brass buttons and sunflower appliqués. I mean, it's ugly even for him, and he clearly made it himself after a shopping spree at Michael's. And also, he is SO ORANGE.

Jay begins dispensing helpful information immediately by telling the girls, "We're here in the middle...of the desert." No freaking way! I never would have guessed by, you know, the fact that they are obviously in the desert. He's never going to get fired, is he? He adds that the desert is, of course, hot, but that the girls are going to have to deal with other extreme elements as well -- namely giant wind and rain machines. And yes, why not take these completely inexperienced models and obscure their faces with gale force wind and torrential rain. He says that the shoot is going to be hot and sultry, and that the girls will be the "sexy, hot mechanics, all greased up," who work in the gas station. And Jay totally took this concept from the movie he watched the night before, which starred Rocco Siffredi and was entitled Pumping GAss. Except that there were no ladies in that fine film. He then tells the girls that their photographer is makeup artist Mathu, who is secretly "super-talented" behind the camera.

Meanwhile, Keenyah and Brittany get deep tissue massages.

Tiffany explains to us that their shoot is about looking sexy while getting pounded with heavy wind and water. She says it's crazy, which it is, and not in that good crazy way. The girls get outfitted in some cut off jeans, wifebeaters, and tube socks that have been ripped straight from the runway. If there's one thing you can't question about this show, it is its clear dedication to couture. Jay says that to make the shot more dynamic he put another girl in the background. Show, please do not try to convince us that he has one original idea in that tiny brain of his. Mathu says in his nondescript European accent, "Let's get this party started." Oh, the cutting-edge lingo of a makeup artist turned high-fashion photographer! The wind machine is turned on. Kahlen interviews that their shoots are a bit extreme, and that she's sure that this stuff happens in the fashion world, just not every week. Kahlen says that she's good at posing, and adds that the water was very cold, and that she couldn't hear any direction. And she's probably better off for that. As wacky music plays, Mathu says that Tiffany was distracted by the elements, but went for strong poses and nailed the shoot. Christina is forced to roll a tire around and sexily pose with a gas pump.

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America's Next Top Model

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