Yaya -- no no, really really -- says that she was just eating her dinner peacefully when all of a sudden...RuPaul walked in! Oh wait, it's just Tyra, in a dress that is the color of rainbow sherbet. Wild applause. Yaya adds that she thought Tyra was a hologram. A hologram. Because she did not look real (and was truly outrageous). Out of context, this statement would apply much more accurately to Janice. In any case, you can tell that Tyra just feels really uncomfortable with and shies away from any type of unfounded adulation. Clearly.
Tyra explains that she was born in L.A. (freaky scene, James Dean) and now wants to help out the poor poor chilluns who come from towns without modeling agencies. Savages! See, she really does give back. She's Mother Tyresa. She does something weird with her hands when she says "L.A.," and I have no idea what that's about. It kind of looks like "itsy bitsy spider." She laments the dearth of star supermodels in the world today, and seems to believe that this show will solve the problem. Um, okay. And she's like a hologram! A hologram!
Eva interviews that she's ready for the competition to "get real down and dirty," which cues...pool party! Ah, how much better this segment would have been if the pool had been filled with pudding. Having jumped into the pool with reckless abandon and tried to drag some of the other girls in against their will, Ann and Eva set themselves up as the group bad-asses. Ann says that the others hate and are intimidated by them, which they find hilarious, because they're so cool and confident. Plus-sizers Mary and Toccara compare "boob sizes" and find that they are identical. Too much pork for just one fork, right there. Toccara contends that Mary is, in fact, not really fat enough to be plus-sized, which I think is contextually meant to be an insult. Toccara totally advertises herself as a "BBBW" in her match.com profile. She loves her big, black, juicy self.
It's the next day. Brianna is nervous that she'll mess up. I guess her fears were founded, because that's the last we'll see of her. Amanda calls L.A. the "city of dreams" and shows picture of her son, Elijah, who will be two. Being away from him will be stressful, but she maintains that she's doing this for his future.
Tyra introduces her co-judges for the auditions. J. Alexander is a runway trainer, diva extraordinaire, and apparent Rudy Huxtable lookalike with his hair in two braids. Jay Manuel is a top makeup artist and -- and Tyra totally says this in a "Look at my poodle! He's wearing a t-shirt!" kind of way -- "and he's an art director too." Adorable! Tyra has nicknames for each of them. Jay Manuel is "Mr. Jay" and J. Alexander is "Mrs. Jay." Oh, come on. You know Jay Manuel was in her trailer before the show jumping up and down and yapping in a high-pitched voice "Say something to make me look butch! Say something to make me look butch!" And Tyra was all, "Girl, you'd look like a fairy standing next to Oscar Wilde, but I'll see what I can do. Now put on this t-shirt. Adorable!"
Ann marches in to her audition and says that she was a six-time all-American athlete in water polo and swimming. She shows off her thigh muscles to prove it. Ann is super-competitive and hates to lose. She is annoying, but looks totally hot in a swimsuit. Ann has the body.