America's Next Top Model
The Girl With The Secret

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Dancer In The Snark

Some local "not models" are apparently a bit miffed and, as Toccara conjectures, wondering, "Who are these bees? Are they famous?" I'm sure that's exactly what they were thinking. A not model yells at Tiffany, "Get that skank ass out of my face." Tough talk for a woman whose nipples look ready to tap dance to San Diego. How will this be settled? Well, if it's up to our trusty heroines, in the most civilized way possible: with a dance competition. Who knew that happened in real life? Sweet! Except not! Skank Not Model fakes out Tiffany by starting to dance, but then pouring a beer right on top of her head. Oooooh! Tiffany says, "Bitch poured beer on my weave." Awesome. Tiffany throws a drink at the girl (quite righteously so, may I add) and then Skank Not Model and her friends actually start chucking glasses into the crowd of models. Hey! That's dangerous! Have you no regard for their beautiful faces?!? Havoc ensues. Tony, stop the rumble!

After a commercial break, the incident is replayed. The girls leave the bar. Tiffany screams, "That skank ho poured the beer on my weave!" And we don't want to know what she had to do to pay for that weave. Because she started her life in an old, cold run down tenement slum. Tiffany wants to beat the girl's ass, because the only way she knows to solve her problems is through violence. And where did she learn how to steal and learn how to fight? In the ghetto. (In the ghetto.) And her mama cried.

I don't know. I'm a total pacifist (and a pussy) and I'd want to beat that girl's ass, too.

In the van on the way back to the hotel, man-voiced Sarah, age twenty-two, expresses disapproval, insinuating that Tiffany might have provoked Skank Not Model by bending over in her face. Magdalena chimes in with an excellently argued "At least she didn't hit her!" Point well taken, counselor for the defense! Sarah says that she doesn't condone violence, and Tiffany says, "And that's great, Martin Luther King. But I'm with Malcolm." I'm sure hearing their names bandied about like this from their vantage point in heaven makes both of these men them feel great about how the political discourse around race and violence has progressed in the last thirty-odd years. Bitch poured beer on my weave! Tiffany gets all Mary J. Blige on us, crying and saying that she wants no more drama in her life. She's so tired. She's sick of fighting, y'all. She's been fighting all her life. She's not going back to the hood. She's going to take her fast car and keep on driving.

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America's Next Top Model




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