America's Next Top Model
The Girl With The Twisted Catch Phrase

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Twisted Sister

Next we meet Nicole again, who tells us that she doesn't get along with her mother. She says she's jealous of her sister, whom her mom believes to be a perfect child. I am just warning Nicole that if she wants to compete for America's Next Top Sob Story, she needs to step up her game because "My mommy doesn't like me" won't cut it in Lupustown. Tyra asks if Nicole thinks her sister would have gotten on ANTM, and Nicole says that she's cuter than her sister. We see a picture, and alas, it is true. Nicole also says that her sister doesn't have a personality like hers, and suddenly sister is back on the board. Nicole gets on her knees in front of the panel and says that she will do anything because she wants to be on ANTM so bad. Miss J. tells her never to say she'll do anything, and Tyra weirdly warns her about the casting couch. Nicole interviews that she's so grateful to be there that she won't complain about anything, and I think we all know what that means.

And then, it is finally time for truly riveting television. Some of the girls go to the supermarket. Weird oboe music plays. Nicole wants Chapstick, and she wants the other girls to go to the Chapstick aisle with her. Another girl tells her to get it at the checkout. Nicole says she won't, because the Chapstick is in Aisle 7. Nicole interviews that she needed Chapstick, and that the others freaked out and got mad about it. I seriously do not see what the problem is here. More about the Chapstick. Nicole says again that she needs some Chapstick and JESUS JUST SPLIT THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR CHAPSTICK. And if you're going to make such a big deal about this, at least get a Bonne Bell Lip Smacker. God. Bre tells Nicole that they need to get everything on their list first, and then they can go get the Chapstick. Bre says that if Nicole gets in the house and continues her whining, Bre will stuff her in the closet. Nicole is amenable to this as long as her lips can remain soft and supple whilst encloseted. Commercials.

When we return, the girls appear to be doing some sort of electric-slide-ish dance that I feel I've seen at a wedding or two. Cutting-edge! Fierce!

Nik appears in front of a panel in a Mohawk and some crazy-ass glasses. She looks totally fug even though I think she's pretty deep down. She says that the only person she has to depend on is herself. Tyra tells her to take her hair out because she's giving off a Naima vibe, and we all know how well that's working out for Naima these days. Nik interviews that she's wearing a cheap swimsuit that rides up in her ass, and we see the visual proof. Tyra says that she loves Nik's unconventional, hook-nosed beauty.

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America's Next Top Model

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