America's Next Top Model
The Girl With The Twisted Catch Phrase

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When we return, we meet Sarah of the duck lips and "pretty, broad shoulders." She is eighteen (and I am Phyllis Diller) and from Boonville, Missouri. She bears an uncanny resemblance to Jennifer Coolidge. Tyra says that Sarah has lips like Angelina Jolie and speculates that they are real. Sarah confirms this. Tyra then learns that Sarah paid $1,500 to go to a "modeling convention," and gives her little speech about modeling scams. Sarah says that she will shine over the other girls because of her honesty and realness and big-ass lips. If you close your eyes, she sounds exactly like Julia Roberts. Despite the fact that she is built like a linebacker, I think I like her.

And then, losers parade. Whitney, eighteen, from Fairfield, California says that she was a member of Future Farmers of America. They have FFA in California? Jay pretends to be a New Hampshire pig being shown in competition and doesn't stick his ass in the air as much as you'd think he would. Next is Latricia, eighteen, from Trenton, California, who makes me want to change my name to Latracie, and wants to be a model to get her hair and nails done. Then Krystle, twenty, from Long Beach, says that she wants to put her money toward the U.N. and third-world orphanages. Somewhere, Kofi Annan breathes a sigh of relief and balances his budget. Krystle says that she's tired of people being materialistic, and Tyra kind of awesomely calls bullshit. She points out Krystle's sparkly belt and Prada pumps and asks about Krystle's last venture into the world of community service. Crickets chirp. Krystle asks them to forget everything she just said. The panel laughs at her, because she is an ass.

Some gentle music cues an upcoming story of trauma: enter Coryn (pronounced Core-IN), nineteen, from Minneapolis. She says that she's nervous because she's not used to telling her life story and Miss J. says, "Get ready." And I know people think Coryn looks like a man, but I think she's pretty and really graceful. ["'People' (me) really, really disagree with you and think she makes Michelle from last season look like a big pail of estrogen, but I'm willing to withhold final judgment until after she's had a makeover to fix her eyebrows." -- Wing Chun] Coryn tells us that she never knew her dad and that her mom was on drugs, and explains to the panel that her mom hasn't had a job for two years and that Coryn still lives at home because she's worried about her little sister. Tyra asks if Coryn thinks that her success will help her mom "get out of her own funk." Coryn says no, and Tyra lauds her answer as being very realistic. Tyra goes on to say that people think fame will change everything, but that fame is not magic. No, money is magic. Coryn walks in a swimsuit and is seriously skinny, but still kind of muscular. She interviews that she isn't good with expressing her feelings because she's afraid of being hurt. And for just this second I am glad that Janice isn't on panel this year. I kind of love Coryn. Tyra says that Coryn's not trying to change the world, because she knows she can't, and Miss J. makes fun of her eyebrows, which are HUGE.

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America's Next Top Model

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