America's Next Top Model
The Girl With The Twisted Catch Phrase

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Twisted Sister

And oh my God! They're totally doing My Life as a Cover Girl commercials with Naima! We'll get to follow her to fashion shows and go-sees and to the street corner where she will beg for change. She says that this has been an "a-maaaaazing" time in her life, and that it's only the beginning. And I was a big Naima supporter, but girl's looking kind of rough these days.

When we return, girls are either finding their photos or not. There are tears of happiness and tears of devastation. There is jumping and whooping. Bre, who has found her photo, cries that she's touching her star and is almost becoming it and is almost there. Diane, who has also made it, says something even less intelligible. Susanna of the breast cancer has not been chosen and tearfully says that she's always been a failure at everything. I guess it's hard to argue with that. Latricia says that she's very strong and doesn't like people to see her cry, but that she wanted to be on Top Model so bad that she was reduced to tears on the floor. I am sometimes reduced to tears on the floor by this show, but for different reasons.

The losers take their seats in the audience while the final twenty quickly and sassily get ready backstage. Someone yells, "Don't take any tags off!" HA! Despite what appears to be a bigger budget in Season 5, UPN is totally going to return these clothes to T.J. Maxx. Pretty Gene Ashley interviews that they're all winners right now, but she's going to be the one who ends up with the contract so has to step up her game. We'll see about that, Howard Hubris. Duck-lipped Sarah says that she's most scared of falling because she has a habit of tripping everywhere. Foreshadowing and friends start a kick-line on Sarah's four-inch stiletto heel.

The final twenty walk as the Jays and the losers look on. They walk okay until we get to Sarah. She stumbles a bit when she gets to the end of the runway, and notes that, while she did her best, a trip probably puts her at a disadvantage. We'll see about that. Kim, while looking smoking-hot, walks like a beast. She admits that it's a disaster. Regina's belly flubs all over the place when she walks, and Miss J. says, "She shoulda sucked that in." And I have learned over the past year of weight-gain-around-the middle that you must either cover it up or suck it in. These are the things you discover when you age. Diane looks confident as she walks, and as soon as she gets backstage, we get a shot of her taking off her shirt to show us her giant rack. The girls do a final walk to applause, and then whoop it up backstage. Jay tells them that they did a good job, but that there is still going to be another cut. Bre, I guess in an attempt to show us that she's the nice version of Yaya, says that it's hard to think about anyone leaving because everyone has a special something about them.

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America's Next Top Model

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