America's Next Top Model
The Girl With The Worst Photo In History

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Brandy, You're a Fine Girl

Tiffany interviews that Brandy looks up to her, and that Brandy reminds her of the old Tiffany -- the Tiffany who was crazy. And I will give you exactly one guess as to which flashback this narrative produces. Yes, it is a little something known as, "That skank ho poured the beer on my weave." And I think that makes about the seventh flashback this season. Tiffany doesn't want Brandy to become the crazy old Tiffany. We see Tiffany and Brandy talking, and Tiffany talks about a girlfriend of hers who told her that it was better to be alive than to force her family and friends to have to tell people, "She dead, but she whooped everybody's ass." Actually I kind of want that to be my epitaph. Tiffany says she doesn't fight anymore. Or, as she would say, no more. But she was born to fight! She ain't been knocked down yet. Okay, she totally has been knocked down. Tiffany says that she's glad she doesn't have to be hard and fight anymore, and she tells Brandy not to be the old Tiffany, "because that's not the right way to live." Brandy utters a contemplative "Shoot." I think we can all see where this is going.

Morning brings Tyra Mail: "Better be on point because I have no time for nonsense. Be ready at 12:00 PM." The girls give puzzled looks and someone speculates that it's interviews. The girls walk in a building named "The Dancers Studio." Lluvy interviews that standing there was a short little man with a beard and a cane, which was, according to her, "the best thing ever." I wonder about Lluvy. The man introduces himself as Stefan Wenta (pronounced VEN-ta), ballet instructor. He says he's going to introduce them to their first ballet class. The girls emerge, and it is clear that nothing makes a person look huger than leotards, white tights, and ballet slippers. Tyra, please make a mental note to avoid these. Stefan says that the girls are going to learn how to use their bodies as instruments of expression, and that very good models must be form-conscious and know at any given moment how they look. We get a shot of Naima, who we remember from the casting special has ballet training. The girls do some poses. We then hear some vaudevillian music as Stefan corrects each of the girls on their form by hitting them with his hand and cane. HIT HARDER! He tells Kahlen that she's stiff and tense, but that's normal. Ah, the human condition from the point of an eastern European ballet instructor. Lluvy interviews, "Let go, please, little man, sir, Stefan, don't come beat me up. I was so scared!" I'm sorry, but there was no way Lluvy was ever in a gang. We see Stefan rap Lluvy on the shoulder, and then say she's lucky he's such a gentleman.

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America's Next Top Model




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