America's Next Top Model
The Girl With The Worst Photo In History

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Brandy, You're a Fine Girl

Stefan recognized that Naima had some ballet training. She interviews, "I hope so, I have been dancing for a few years" and laughs. I think they want to make us believe that she's the next Yaya, but she's totally not. Stefan coaches a stiff-looking Tiffany, telling her that the discipline is good for her and may help her control other things in her life. I think that the show must give each of the guest instructors/photographers a briefing in which "That skank ho poured the beer on my weave" is prominently featured. A serious-looking Tiffany interviews, "I'm not used to controlling my body, my body controls me. So, this is really hard for me." Her body controls her? So, like, she starts walking down the street and just ends up in a completely different section of town because her legs do whatever they want to do? Or is this just supposed to give her license to whoop everybody's ass? "I couldn't help it! I have no control over my punching fists!" The girls leave the ballet studio.

The girls enter the Pacific Dining Car restaurant, and Hideous Christina the Head Louse says that they wanted to have a night out with the girls to let loose. I guess the lesson learned here is to be careful what you wish for, particularly when you're with someone who has had beer poured on her weave repeatedly in flashback. The girls talk about what to order and Tiffany looks uncomfortable. She interviews, "I never been to a nice place like this." Oh my word, a restaurant with waiters! And they don't even ask if you want to Biggie size it when you order! I mean, come on, now. At the table, Tiffany says in no uncertain terms, "I don't get drunk no more. No more. I act like a fool when I get drunk, you know, so I don't drink anymore." Then, in a strange twist of events, Rebecca orders a glass of chardonnay, and Tiffany says, "Same here." See, she can't even control which words come out of her mouth! They form the shape against her will, and then conspire with her vocal chords to do something that she says she no longer does! Funny music plays as Tiffany downs some more wine. Brandy says, "Dag, Tiffany!" And you know when Brandy says, "Dag, [your name here]," you are in trouble. Naima gives a funny look.

Tiffany appears to have a lot of food left on her plate. She starts to go into Phase 3 of a drunken evening (preceded by Phase 1: ordering a drink with the anticipation of being totally in control; and Phase 2: being energetic and funny but not yet embarrassing), the loving drunken ramble. She quotes, "If you get cut before me, if I get cut before you, I want you to go home knowing that you [Kahlen], you [Naima], you [Rebecca], and even you [Michelle -- and who wants to be known as "even you?"] have touched me, have made me think different about a lot of things. I love you. I do." The others look on in amusement. Tiffany then enters into Phase 4: gratuitous divulgence into the hardships of her past. Tiffany spends a lot of her life in Phase 4, I think. "Six months ago, I wouldn't have been here. I've been changed so much."

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America's Next Top Model

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