America's Next Top Model
The Girl With The Worst Photo In History

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Brandy, You're a Fine Girl

Michelle interviews that Tiffany had four glasses of wine, which was okay at first, but soon enough, everyone could see disaster coming. Tiffany has Whitney Houston-sized sweat on her face at this point. She enters Phase 5: incoherence, and drunkenly quips, "I do...what I do...when I do it...HAHA" and starts clapping, again like Whitney. Keenyah interviews that Tiffany is normally very talkative, so you always know when she's around. She says she suddenly realized that Tiffany was quiet, and then looked over. We get to see what she sees, which is Tiffany (in the full throttles of Phase 6) actually throwing up into her napkin. And in a really gross editing twist, we can hear it pour onto the floor, and then get a shot of the big puke puddle by her chair. Classy. Tatiana and Rebecca stand and look on with minor disgust, and Tatiana interviews that the whole room started stinking. Naima holds a cappuccino mug and looks mortified. And given the context, I think that this is a totally appropriate reaction. Brandy, Keenyah, and Michelle try to help Tiffany, who is now slung over her chair and barfing. Keenyah interviews that Tiffany can be professional and make it appear that she has dealt with her personal problems, "but sometimes she can be the old Tiffany." And her body controls her, which sometimes means that the insides want to come out. Tiffany lays her head down on the dinner table. Commercials.

When we return, Tiffany and Michelle are lying together in bed. But instead of being consumed by post-coital bliss, they are rehashing the night's events. Tiffany says that she feels miserable: "This is not me. It's not Tiffany. It's not who I am." Well, kind of, it is. Or at least who Tiffany used to be, in the fabled six months ago. Michelle explains about the puking, and we see more footage of the upchuck. Michelle says that she just tried to be a good friend and help Tiffany. I give her a lot of credit, because I totally would have hailed a cab the moment I figured out what was going on. There's just no excuse for throwing up at the table in a nice restaurant with completely sober companions. It's nasty. Tiffany then tries to change the subject and says that she misses her child, her baby daddy, and her grandma. I wonder if Tiffany's grandma has collected enough aluminum and glass recyclables to get her electricity turned back on yet. Michelle tells Tiffany that this is the first time she's been away from her family and that she misses them, but she can't imagine how it must be for someone who has a child. Well, there are plenty of people to ask in that house. Tiffany says that being on the show is harder than being a mom, because she had time to grow into parenthood, whereas she was just thrown into the world of Top Model. And boy, is childless me ever glad to know that competing in a reality show is more stressful than being responsible for another life. Phew! Tiffany tells Michelle that she's just being a big baby, and Michelle tries to give her a hug. Tiffany is all, "I didn't say you could make contact, Eleanor Roosevelt."

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America's Next Top Model

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