America's Next Top Model
The Girl With The Worst Photo In History

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Brandy, You're a Fine Girl

The photographer tells the girls that they'll be doing a tennis-oriented action shoot for a local fitness magazine, and that time is limited, so they have to be ready to go. Kahlen is first, and she explains that the allotted five minutes was not enough to wrangle her rat's nest of a weave, so by the time she got to the court she was already frustrated. Alex tells her to incorporate the ballet movements learned yesterday, and shows Kahlen her mark. She is confused about where her body should be, and Alex looks at her as if she's an idiot. Kahlen looks downtrodden, de-engergized, and moody. Alex harshly gives her some instructions, and then yells at her. She goes into the holding room and cries that she doesn't understand why a person would be so rude and mean to anyone. It's called life, Turnip Truck.

Tatiana is next and gets the same treatment. Alex has a real knack for making morons look even more moronic. Tatiana interviews that it feels like her confidence has been thrown out of a moving car and run over a couple of times. That is a Dan Rather metaphor if I've ever heard one. Noelle says that she wanted to slap Alex upside his half-balding head. Naima says that Alex got more neurotic as the shoot progressed, and that she had to laugh at him. Jay says that Naima did a good job keeping cool on the surface. Alex calls Michelle graceless, and Jay notes that she started crying as she left the shoot. In the holding room, Michelle notes that, as models they are all going to have to deal with assholes. Which, again, is not so much different than actual life. Jay says that Keenyah held her composure pretty well. And then, it is the turn of Hideous Christina the Head Louse. And while I will grant you that she has looked nice in some of her photos, her pulled back hair and tennis outfit totally make her look like Skeletor, The Head Louse. Or, Karen Carpenter. Alex tells her to loosen up her lips. That would be possible if only she had lips. He then gives his best line of the shoot: he talks into a little tape recorder and says, "Note to self: do not print this roll, please." HA!

Tatiana interviews that the girls knew Tiffany was coming up next, and were hoping that she'd hit Alex in the head with her racket. They look on with anticipation. Alex berates her, and Tiffany interviews that she thought she was going to a regular old shoot, but "this fool keep bothering me." He makes some weird percussive noises and yells, "Dance! Dance! Dance!" She interviews, "He had me doing some dumb-ass jumping move that ain't have nothing to do with tennis." Alex tells her that she's giving him attitude, which is totally a set-up. He then says something about leaving her attitude at home with Grandma. She takes the bait and gets a little lippy. He tells her to leave. In the holding room with the other girls, she laughs about it. She says she wishes so could do it over and laugh at everything he said. Lluvy is next, and looks kind of pretty, if not particularly tennis-adept.

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America's Next Top Model

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