America's Next Top Model
The Girl With The Worst Photo In History

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Brandy, You're a Fine Girl

Brandy is next. She starts out fine by saying, "How do I do my face?" Alex asks what she means. She says that Tyra and Co. always tell her to look fierce. Alex goes "'Fierce'? What is fierce? Is this fierce?," making a hilarious cheek-sucking fish face. He tells Brandy that he wants her to be herself, and comfortable, and happy. He then starts giving her the business, and she starts with the old stink-face. She interviews that her face always belies her emotions. ["I have the same problem, which is why jerks know when I hold them in contempt, and also why I am bad at poker." -- Wing Chun] Alex tells her to look happy when she runs toward the ball, and not like she's coming to kill someone. Jay then says, "Brandy needs to keep the toughness on the inside, but look like a soft, supple model on the outside." And, to smell like cupcakes. That was totally scripted for him. He's an idiot. In the holding room, Brandy says that she's trying to work on her attitude, but that Alex almost got a shoe upside his head. Kahlen notes that there was a general atmosphere of tension from dealing with the stressful shoot.

Brandy tells the other girls that if the judges don't like the picture, the first thing they'll tell her is that she looks mad. She says that the judges already associate her with anger and adds, "But I don't even be angry half the time." Tatiana, who is under the table, pipes in with, "The judges are gonna be like, 'Your hair looks like crap! What is your eye doing? Why is it twitching?'" Brandy says that Tatiana has a habit of making smart remarks, and got on her nerves. Brandy turns to Naima, and says in a still-calm voice, "Is it okay to slap somebody that gets on your nerves?" Naima says, "Brandy, relax." And everything would have been fine and good if Tatiana didn't screech, "SHUT UP!" And though Brandy gets way out of line, I have to say that I find Tatiana a little bratty, too. Brandy starts yelling that she wasn't even talking to Tatiana, and Tatiana interviews that she was taken aback by Brandy's attack. Tatiana tries to get in another word, but Brandy doesn't let her. Brandy then delivers a soliloquy of such fantastic proportions that I can only wish it had been delivered in the style of a Shakespearean aside: "I was making a joke to make myself laugh. Don't say nothin' to me. If I'd a shut up talking to you, don't say nothin' to me, 'cause I ain't said nothin' else to you, and you don't know me like that to be sitting up here gettin' an attitude over nothing." Naima interviews that Brandy is confrontational and will find any excuse to go off on someone. Brandy continues, "If we didn't get kicked off for hitting somebody, your ass would be tore up right now, because I ain't said shit to you." Tatiana with her Chiclet teeth says, "I'm sure, Brandy, I'm sure." Brandy says, "Yeah, you'd better be real sure. You better be real sure." I actually am sure. Dramatic music. Commercials.

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America's Next Top Model

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