America's Next Top Model
The Girl With Two Bad Takes

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Potes: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Mollie Who?

Jade confessionalizes that she doesn't have a boyfriend, is free, and has nothing to hold her back. I'm sure that's totally of her own choosing and not because she's utterly unlovable. Jade adds that Nnenna's problems with John are going to hurt her in the end. Cut back to Jade telling Nnenna that she shouldn't break up with John. Snake! There's a reaction shot of Furonda that I'm sure was spliced in from another day, time, and situation, but which is priceless nonetheless. Furonda interviews that Jade is the type of person who, if she finds an easy target, will work that for as much as it is worth. Again...snake! We see clips of Jade encouraging Gina to kiss a cockroach to underscore this point. Furonda notes that a lot of people are not what they seem. A lot of people, you say? Nnenna asks Jade what she should do. What, is Jade fucking Delilah now? Is Nnenna going to call in with a tale of woe and redemption and request that Jade play a song for the love of her life, John, and Jade will play Jim Brickman and Martina McBride's song "Valentine"? (And on a side note, why does Delilah always play that song, and why do I like it so much? Argh.) Jade says that she wouldn't break up with John, but then again, she's not in the relationship, so she doesn't know all its ins and outs. I just got grossed out by the thought of Nnenna and John having sex. Ugh. I bet he gets all sweaty in the moustache and cries afterward. Danielle interviews that Jade knows what she's doing. She adds that Jade's playing the game too much, and that what goes around, comes around. In this case, I sure hope it comes around with great force right in the ass.

It is the next day. There is no Tyra Mail. Rather, there is Tyra herself. She asks how everyone's doing, how they're handling the pressure, and what is the hardest part of the competition. Leslie says, "Not knowing what's going to happen next." Tyra starts to ad-lib about the girls being in the final nine, etc. etc. She then scrunches up her nose and shakes her head a little, because that's what Lee Strasberg would have done. She tells the girls that she's been working so hard and is so tired. She puts her head in her hands and says that she doesn't want to seem so weak in front of them, but that she's feeling a little light-headed. The girls look concerned. Someone asks if Tyra wants a drink of water or some pizza. See, if one of the girls had said "ribs," Tyra would have snapped right out of this cruel act. Tyra stands up, says that she's all right, and then drops to the floor like a 180-pound sack of silicone. It would have been the greatest if her wig had flown off right then. The girls rush around her, very worried, and someone suggests taking her pulse. It would have been the second greatest thing if someone had thrown water on her, because then she would have melted and maybe Naomi Campbell would have been her mid-season replacement. Okay, maybe that would actually be the first greatest thing.

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America's Next Top Model

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