Well, there goes my pick. The girls have a backyard black-and-white photo shoot with Tyra, involving Vaseline on the face and other kinds of semi-gross things. It is apparently a preview of what's to come, as the girls must go through a day of boot-camp training and roll in shit-infused mud. Lisa is pretty adorable throughout the whole thing while Nicole is whiny, and Nik's pants keep falling down. Immediately afterward, the dirty girls go on a go-see with the folks at Elle Girl, at which Lisa wins a one-on-one lesson with a celebrity stylist. The week's photo shoot entails posing atop a Ford while corseted in the style of a Vargas Pinup. Kim looks extra-hot and impresses all with her ability to be feminine, which makes me think she should consider wearing a wig more often. And then I apparently missed something, because somehow the final two got down to Bre and Kyle, and I was like, "Obviously, Bre is going home," and then Tyra handed a photo to Bre, and I thought, "Did they change the format?" And then I thought, "But they're faking us out tonight and there IS no elimination!" But alas, Kyle was really and truly sent back to the DQ, because being tall and gorgeous and having a great body and actually looking like a model is a detriment to you on this show. Bitches.
Previously: Lots of drama, all of which can be summed up in two sentences. "What are you doing, alcoholic bitch?" and, "What's my secret? I'm afraid of the dark, and I sleep with a nightlight." Feuds galore! In the end, Coryn was sent home when she couldn't shake her "air of gloominess." Seven bitches remain!
And I just found out from the forums that the "You wanna be on top?" theme song is actually performed by Tyra Banks featuring Darkchild. I guess I, too, could bolster my floundering music career by recording "Na na nas" for my reality show's theme song, were I that ambitious. But in any case, Tyra will not stop until a media empire is hers! Gross.
At the Beverly Hills house, Jayla has Bre push and pull her legs, I guess to stretch them out and also perhaps release another shot of the evil that is contained in her spinal fluid. Nik eats a bowl of cereal in bed. She tells us about the whole Secret commercial ordeal, and notes that Jayla stole her secret. She's upset. For some reason, we see the whole thing in extensive flashback. Nik says it was very clear that she's the one who sleeps with a nightlight, which proves that Jayla is a backstabber. And I think this whole thing is so stupid, but you know that Jayla, like, goes spelunking every weekend and is all, "Ha! I totally do not need that helmet flashlight thingy, suckers!" Girl is not afraid of the dark, is what I'm saying. Jayla interviews that the fact that Nik is treating her poorly shows that Jayla's not mature enough to handle the situation, and that she's not going to last long. I am so sick of Jayla, and would like to thank the forum poster who pointed out the uncanny resemblance between Jayla and Clay Aiken. It's the Chiclet teeth. Also, why will spellcheck not allow me to have a singular Chiclet without giving me the angry red line? Fine, then. It's the Chiclets teeth.
Next morning, Tyra makes a surprise visit! She tells the girls that they'll be doing a photo shoot, and that she will be coaching them. Well, that's kind of cool, actually. Bre interviews that she was so excited: "I signed up to work with Tyra. I don't know about everybody else, but I know I signed up to work with Tyra." And this was my first hint that maaaaybe Bre would see another week. Tyra tells the girls they'll be doing a very natural, edgy, dark, and mysterious black-and-white photo shoot with her. She says that she does this kind of shoot with her friends all the time, and that they have fun. Isn't that like a busman's holiday? I would hate to be Tyra's friend, and not only for that reason. Nicole is first, and Tyra says to her, "And this is all we use!" and proceeds to put Vaseline on her cheekbones. If she ever did that to me, I would kill her and be acquitted due to temporary insanity caused by two trails of zit. Seriously, that can't be good for your skin. Nicole seems to take it in stride, though. And then all of a sudden, Tyra awkwardly voices over that this reminds her of a fierce photo shoot she did with Paolo Roversi. Who in the what now? That was so choppy. Also, the picture that is flashed is not so fierce, and is nothing like the shoot to come except that it's black and white. The photographer, whose name is Christian, snaps the photo. Nicole, as all the girls will, wears a tube top, I guess to give the illusion of nudity. Tyra holds Nicole's hair as the photographer snaps, but more in a "the wind is blowing" way rather than a "make sure the vomit lands mostly in the toilet" way that Lisa is so accustomed to.