America's Next Top Model
The Girls Are 1940s Pin-Ups

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Kyle-ing Me Softly

When we return, the muddy girls pile into their limo. Nicole confessionalizes, "This is NUTS. People can't sit around and be dirty all day. I feel like a caged rat." That might explain the rodentine teeth. Jayla interviews that it was disgusting, and that her hair looked like a cow's body -- as does her body, I would add. The girls discuss what their Tyra Mail means, and someone speculates that "fake the funk" means that they'll have to fake a nasty smell. Nik tells us that she does not have to fake it.

The girls pull up to a loft in L.A. and are clueless as usual. They look horrendous. Bre walks into a room, and three women greet her. One is Brandon Holley, the editor of Elle Girl. She is a female Brandon, like Brandon Teena. And much like her inspiration, you know that her real name was probably Holly Brandon and she changed it around to be "edgy." And then became the editor of Elle Girl. She introduces Marie and Laurie, the art and costume directors. Brandon explains that this is a go-see, and that even though Bre is covered in mud, she has to let her personality shine through. Really, this is just cruel. Bre looks perturbed. She says that they'll definitely have to judge her on personality, because she's not getting anywhere with the way she looks right now. She tells them that, in her photos, she likes to display a lot of confidence, which is kind of exactly the opposite of what her photos are really like.

Next, Lisa tells the Elle Girl folks that she'll bring a big smile to her cover, which is unlike the faces on several issues in front of her.

Brandon tells Nik that one of their mottos is "dare to be different," because that's what fashion magazines are all about, along with promoting a healthy body image and downplaying the culture of celebrity. Nik says that she likes to do things that are different, such as playing in the mud, and that she's the type of person who likes to get into things. I don't know what that means, other than that Nik is kind of bland.

Jayla tells the Elle Girl folks that her taste in music is definitely different than anybody else's. Marie asks what she likes, and Jayla says that she listens to electroclash, psychobilly, and hardcore. I will confess that my taste in music runs the gamut from Joni Mitchell to Joni Mitchell, so I have no idea what that means. But Brandon tells her, "You know what? That's actually very Elle Girl," thus indicating that Jayla is just punk rock enough for Elle Girl. We don't get to see her reaction, but I hope she was duly humiliated.

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America's Next Top Model

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