America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model

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Potes: B+ | 780 USERS: C+
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Kim Gets A Toaster

When we return to the house, Lisa and Ebony are talking. Ebony is excitedly going on about how great everyone is, saying, "Yeah, this is broadening my horizions. Like, Kim is like this great, like, dude, she's like a lesbian. She's got all these dynamics." Has the World Wildlife Fund put lesbians on its endangered list yet? Apparently, we are pretty rare. Lisa says that there's only one person she doesn't understand: Cassandra. Lisa says you can tell Cassandra isn't struggling at all, and Ebony adds that she's like a machine. Lisa asks if she recharges her battery, and says in a robot voice, "I am breaking down right now." And now, friends, I think we have finally discovered what happened to Vicki from Small Wonder. Also, Lisa is actually funny and not just funny-looking. Ebony interviews that Cassandra is a weirdo and thinks she's "Miss Primper and Proper" because she's a pageant queen. Lisa goes in the house and tells a freshly showered Cassandra that she was just talking about her, and that they feel like she's a robot. Lisa asks what the deal is, and Cassandra just shrugs, smiles, and brilliantly says, "You know how sociopaths don't feel emotion and that's why they can kill people without ever, like, feeling bad about it? Only I never killed anybody." It would have been even more awesome if she had added, "Yet." Cassandra interviews that she is simply not an emotional person.

Tyra Mail! "It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's a top model in the making! Be ready at 5:30 AM." The girls drive to some warehousey district, where Jay greets them. He tells them that they will be flying as superheroes. A big whoop emerges. The photographer, who has shot Tyra many times, is Michael Ruiz. Jay says that the girls need to be fierce and bring it. They get their hair and makeup done, and it's the same type of garish, beauty-disguising stuff we've been seeing over the past few seasons. There is a new hair stylist named Rob Talty, and Erica Howard is the wardrobe stylist. Kim gets harnessed up like she's Sandy Duncan. She loves her gold lamé outfit even though it makes her look hideous and kind of lumpy. They hoist Kim in the air, and Jay shouts direction at her through a megaphone. Kim has some problems working the harness. And I am just walking away from that joke. She kind of topples over in the air and generally looks low-energy and weird. Jay says that although Kim seems like the kind of person who would rock anything, Kim didn't impress him today. Kim admits to Ashley that she sucked. Ashley agrees, which is really kind of mean. Kim realizes for the second time that Ashley is a bitch.

America's Next Top Model

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