America's Next Top Model
The Girls Become Super Heroes

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Kim Gets A Toaster

Limo. The girls are whooping and having shenanigans. Sarah hangs out of the top of the limo and someone pours water over Bre. Coryn interviews that as soon as they got in the car, some girls got loose and wanted to take the party with them. In their pants, as we will see momentarily. We cut in to Kim saying to Sarah that she's a beautiful girl, and I'm sure the context of this was Sarah whining about her low self-confidence and Kim trying to be nice. Then, the pride of Boonville hurls herself across the limo and onto Kim's lips. I would say that the two go at it, but it's more that Sarah goes at it and Kim is wrestled into submission. And maybe I'm jaded, but since Angelina Jolie came on the scene, bicuriosity just isn't what it used to be. And what it didn't used to be is maybe a ploy so that the powers that be won't kick you off the show. The rest of the girls laugh and cheer, and Lisa hilariously notes that Sarah's got "crazy cantaloupe lips." HA! Nicole adds that this is "models gone wild." Sarah almost tries for second base, but we don't see if she makes it. After someone pries Sarah off her, Kim shouts, "One down, eleven to go!" Or twelve, counting Potes. Commercials.

When we return to the house, Lisa and Ebony are talking. Ebony is excitedly going on about how great everyone is, saying, "Yeah, this is broadening my horizions. Like, Kim is like this great, like, dude, she's like a lesbian. She's got all these dynamics." Has the World Wildlife Fund put lesbians on its endangered list yet? Apparently, we are pretty rare. Lisa says that there's only one person she doesn't understand: Cassandra. Lisa says you can tell Cassandra isn't struggling at all, and Ebony adds that she's like a machine. Lisa asks if she recharges her battery, and says in a robot voice, "I am breaking down right now." And now, friends, I think we have finally discovered what happened to Vicki from Small Wonder. Also, Lisa is actually funny and not just funny-looking. Ebony interviews that Cassandra is a weirdo and thinks she's "Miss Primper and Proper" because she's a pageant queen. Lisa goes in the house and tells a freshly showered Cassandra that she was just talking about her, and that they feel like she's a robot. Lisa asks what the deal is, and Cassandra just shrugs, smiles, and brilliantly says, "You know how sociopaths don't feel emotion and that's why they can kill people without ever, like, feeling bad about it? Only I never killed anybody." It would have been even more awesome if she had added, "Yet." Cassandra interviews that she is simply not an emotional person.

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America's Next Top Model

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