America's Next Top Model
The Girls Become Super Heroes

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Kim Gets A Toaster

Tyra Mail! "It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's a top model in the making! Be ready at 5:30 AM." The girls drive to some warehousey district, where Jay greets them. He tells them that they will be flying as superheroes. A big whoop emerges. The photographer, who has shot Tyra many times, is Michael Ruiz. Jay says that the girls need to be fierce and bring it. They get their hair and makeup done, and it's the same type of garish, beauty-disguising stuff we've been seeing over the past few seasons. There is a new hair stylist named Rob Talty, and Erica Howard is the wardrobe stylist. Kim gets harnessed up like she's Sandy Duncan. She loves her gold lamé outfit even though it makes her look hideous and kind of lumpy. They hoist Kim in the air, and Jay shouts direction at her through a megaphone. Kim has some problems working the harness. And I am just walking away from that joke. She kind of topples over in the air and generally looks low-energy and weird. Jay says that although Kim seems like the kind of person who would rock anything, Kim didn't impress him today. Kim admits to Ashley that she sucked. Ashley agrees, which is really kind of mean. Kim realizes for the second time that Ashley is a bitch.

Speaking of Ashley, she's next in the harness. Her outfit is somewhat better than Kim's, though Jay keeps yelling that she's losing her neck. Afterward, Ashley says that she's not sure how she did, but that she doesn't have a great feeling, and that, while it sounds like an excuse, it's really a matter of physics that she can only stretch her body so much. Jay says that Ashley definitely struggled, and that they only got one good shot. Next, Jay tells Bre (who is in an outfit similar to Kim's, but silver) that she has to give 100% or it's only going to look like she's giving 5%. Maybe Jay is secretly a Good Will Hunting-style math genius who has decided to slum it for a while. Bre does a good job, although Jay asks what she was thinking in one legs-akimbo pose, because it looks like she's descending down "to take a dump on the superhero throne." In addition to being a math wizard, rumor has it that Jay's also reclusive postmodern author Thomas Pynchon.

Nik says that it's kind of weird to be a superhero, and that, at the ripe old age of twenty-one, she prefers Barbie and girly stuff to superheroes. Jay tells her to be a superhero, not a ballerina, and she "turns it out."

Kyle says that she looks like a crazy Rainbow Brite. She seems to do a pretty decent job.

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America's Next Top Model

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