America's Next Top Model
The Girls Go Bald

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Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Bald Fuggle

The girls wait around for the next cut. Andrea cries some more. Meanwhile, Tyra and the Jays confer. Miss J. says that Andrea looks gorgeous in her photo and is a true clothes hanger. Tyra says that Andrea looks anorexic, and apparently this is proven by some arm skin hanging off of her bones. They like Sara pretty well, though they think she doesn't really know what to do with herself when posing. Jay says that Nnenna looks like Iman and Eddie Murphy's love child, and Tyra says that the fashion industry is obsessed with girls from Africa. Joanie's photos are great, which is a surprise to Tyra, who didn't think she was particularly modelesque in person. Danielle looks fierce but needs to lose the moustache. Mollie Sue is fierce but has no personality. Yes, Mollie Sue is that one. Look for a personality-based elimination in Episode 7. Miss J. says that an acting coach might help her. I actually think some meds might help her. Jay thinks that Kari is adorable and would make a good commercial model. Tanika is workable with a makeover. Dani's an asshole. Also, she looks like she should be in the PTA. Tyra says that Brooke has a face that is difficult for the American public to understand, but that the fashion world would love it. I can't believe we've just been talked down to by Tyra Banks, purveyor of many forms of crap. Leslie's pretty but needs work, and her ass could be a completely separate contestant. Someone please explain to me why this is a problem. Jade is an asshole but good for drama. Rebecca is pretty, but not necessarily a model. Tyra says that the camera loves Furonda, and Jay agrees that she could be walking in major runway shows. Really? I mean, really? I guess I can't understand Furonda's face either. Oh, to be a member of the public and ignorant of beauty. Gina has great cheekbones but is plain. She could look amazing if made over well, though, says Tyra. Dr. Yvonne was great in person, but her photos bite the big one. They love Wendy despite her beady rat eyes and complete lack of lower eyelashes. The judges like Kathy, who they call, "Katherine," and say that she has an interesting, European-looking face. Europe is affronted enough by that comment to institute a trade embargo on the U.S.

Time for the cut to the final thirteen! They are: Jade, Sara, Mollie Sue, Leslie, Joanie (who is wearing a freaking sheer black top circa 1991), Nnenna, Kari, Brooke, Danielle, Kathy, Furonda, Gina, and finally, Wendy. Tyra says that Wendy wasn't chosen for reasons of pity. I hope Wendy believes that, at least. The winners are excited. The losers are sad, and Tyra tells them that they all have great potential and blah blah blah, we're all winners. Andrea cries a lot. Dani seems like she could care less, probably because she got more ammunition for why black people are bad. The winners dance with Tyra. Lots and lots of jiggling. And with that, the first hour is over!

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America's Next Top Model

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