America's Next Top Model
The Girls Go Bald

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Bald Fuggle

We return to a weeping Andrea, nineteen, of Geneva, Ohio. She says that she is very close to her family and has never been away from them more than a day. She cries and cries and asks another girl to hug her really hard. Oh, I see where this is going, Boonville 2.0.

Next, Jade. She is an asshole and has bad skin. She says that people think she's a bitch when they first meet her on account of how self-proclaimedly beautiful and hot she is. But once they get to know her, they find out that she's cool. Or they would if they stuck around, which they don't, because she is, in fact, not cool at all. Jade speaks of herself in the third person and says that she has what it takes to become America's Next Top Model. She does have a good body but, as Jay notes, there is a corresponding lack of humility. Jade is the worst, maybe ever.

Then there is Gina, who says that there aren't enough Asian models out there. She says that she can break down that barrier, and feels the responsibility to do so. I would contend that she could actually chew down that barrier. Girl's teeth are HUGE. Gina says that she is wild, and would strip down naked if they asked her to. But then she says that her parents have "a thing" about that, so she's not really sure if she would go against her parents. Gina says that she's not into Asian guys, because they're so much shorter than she is. Tyra notes the contradiction in Gina's original sentiment of Korean pride and her prejudice against Asian men. If I were Tyra, I wouldn't try too hard to get to the bottom of it, because it's plain that Gina is just kind of an idiot. Gina interviews that she's not quite sure what happened, but suddenly contradictions just started coming out of her mouth. Perhaps they were lodged between her bicuspids. Gina shares her experience with the other girls, saying that she used to think she was strong, but one look at the red weave of death and she turned to Jell-O.

Next is Tanika, who says that she had a rough time growing up because her mother is white. Tanika was the only biracial girl living in the ghetto. She believed what her mother told her about the other nappy-headed girls being jealous, and implies that they picked on her because they didn't have good hair. Miss J., himself a nappy-headed woman, asks Tanika to define "good hair." She talks about kitchen and buckshots, and I don't know what that means. I don't think she gets that she insulted at least two-thirds of the panel. Tyra is on the fence about Tanika.

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America's Next Top Model

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