America's Next Top Model
The Girls Go To Phuket

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Go-sees? Ah, Phuket.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Danielle moaned and groaned and was dehydrated, but she's a survivor; she's not gon' give up, she's not gon' stop (what?), she's gon' work harder. Sara was a big fat copier, and not the kind that the hunky Xerox man can fix. Furonda was a fool, and the judges finally took notice and sent her home. Four girls remain! It's like a Top Model pack of Hershey's Miniatures, and my favorite, as always, is the Special Dark.

And before we begin, I have two shout-outs. One is to my new best friend Lauren, who designed this website that I mentioned in a previous recap, and who is getting ready to field the write-in campaign for the production of the newest Garbage Pail Kid, Putrid Potes. The second shout-out goes to all the mothers of the world, and particularly my own, Mama Potes, who is awesome, and whom I wish you all could know because of said awesomeness. On that note: the present's in the mail, Mom. And, of course, to myself, the mother of Miss Itty, who left me the present of a giant pukey hairball on the Turkish tapestry covering my couch.

And now, down to business. We are in Bangkok. Jade tells us that she was in the bottom two at the last elimination and is frustrated to be in back in that same old position where, according to her, she doesn't belong. "What is going on?" she asks. Oh, Jade, please believe that we are asking the same thing when we look at the final four and see your haggard mug. Jade explains to us that Tyra says Jade thinks she knows more than the judges. Jade doesn't know where the judges get all their crazy ideas. Likewise, I'm sure.

Meanwhile, in a random cobbled-together subplot / judging rationale, Danielle says that she and Sara were chilling in the pool, and notes that she is concerned that her southern accent will affect her standing in the competition. She tells Sara that she tries to listen to herself speak, and that she's noticed a tendency to speed-talk. Danielle says that she needs to start speaking slowly. She interviews that she's lived in the south all of her life and that's all she knows, so it's difficult to hear Panel say that they don't like the way she speaks. Yeah. But, see, there is a difference between, say, a Blanche Devereaux slash Julia Sugarbaker southern accent and, well, Danielle. I love the girl, but she's got a little Boomhauer in her. Sara says that Danielle can speak properly when she thinks about it. Danielle interviews that she's a southern country girl. Eh, just get the girl a voice coach and she'll be fine. Plus, I would listen to a southern drawl over Nicole's twang a thousand times over. Sorry, Midwesterners, but you know it's true.

Meanwhile, newsflash: Sara got discovered at a mall. I know, I know. How could they let the whole season go by without mentioning this? And then, out of nowhere, comes Ninja Stealth Bitch Joanie to say that, while she thinks that Sara is a very beautiful girl, modeling isn't her real passion in life. To which I say: finally, a girl with some sense. Joanie says that modeling is her passion, as well as Jade's, Danielle's, and The Christ's. Finally, the secret revealed. Back in the pool, Danielle asks Sara whether it pisses her off when people say that she doesn't want or deserve to win because she was discovered in a mall. Sara says that it's upsetting because it implies that she's not giving her full effort. She interviews that she's just as deserving and wants to win as much as everyone else, and whether or not they want to believe that is up to them. Joanie.

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America's Next Top Model

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