America's Next Top Model
The Girls Go To Phuket

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Go-sees? Ah, Phuket.

Jay introduces the girls to their photographer. He says that it's someone with a discerning eye, who is opinionated and a tough critic. It is Nigel Barker. If Jay had added, "and also has a touch of the skeeze," I totally would have guessed. Jade interviews that Nigel is the one person who does intimidate her. Well done, Nigel! Jay says that Nigel knows all their strengths and all their weaknesses. We cut to the girls and then back to Jay and Nigel, and I shit you not: Jay's right nipple has been exposed due to high winds and a low v-neck, and has been pixilated like so many Janice Dickinson asscracks before it. My theory on this is that either the show is trying really hard to make us think that it's sexy and cutting edge and that we're missing out on something big, or else the nipple was holding up a little sign that read, "THE ORANGE IS RISING! SEND HELP AND PROVISIONS!" Nigel tells the girls that he's going to take no prisoners today. Except for maybe a Dirty Sex Slave Nipple Prisoner. Too hot for UPN!

Joanie is first to shoot. She has a wicked-cute swimsuit. She says that they're in the final four and they really have to shine. Oh, I covet the swimsuit. The waves are really rough, and Joanie gets knocked around a bit, and also gets wet a lot. Nigel says that Joanie did very well, and adds that although the environment may look great in a photo, you often don't realize that the conditions are less than ideal for modeling. Sara watches Joanie with a keen eye. Joanie jumps up and gives Nigel a big full-body hug, and he says, "It's good to be a judge." Hey, is that a snaggle in his pocket?

Sara is next, and her stomach makes me long for my especially skinny youth. Man, is it flat. Sara says that there were many stressful aspects for the shoot, what with the clients and Nigel being there. The creative director for OP says that Sara's facial expressions weren't necessarily connecting with the camera. Nigel says that Sara still isn't comfortable with herself, despite what the judges have told her. Joanie agrees, because she has an opinion on everything Sara in this episode. Nigel tells Sara to relax her face, and she starts doing better. She tells us that she re-centered herself and refocused. Nigel tells Sara that the last shot was very pretty, and Sara reminds us in an interview for the infinityeth time that she's just as deserving to be there as everyone else. Meanwhile, there is some product placement with the phone thingamabob.

Jade is next, and she says that she loves swimwear shots. The OP guy comments that she definitely has the body for it. She actually does have a really good body. Jade stands on an old rickety boat. I wish that I could have written "Jade has rickets," but that isn't really what happened. Jade says that she was nervous, because the boat was rocking around -- but she went up there and did it anyway. She looks kind of awesome, I am sad to say. Nigel says that sometimes taking risks pays off, and it definitely did for Jade. Jade won Nigel over because she modeled. Jade interviews that she's been waiting for this opportunity to shoot with Nigel, because he makes people fierce. Jade gives him a high-five. Uh-oh.

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America's Next Top Model

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