Saleisha is up first. Jeffrey Chu is the director of photography, and we get our first glimpse of my favorite bit player of the episode: the guy in the gray t-shirt who yells, "No talking, quiet on the set!" Saleisha does a great job, much in the vein that Tootie Ramsey would if she were given the opportunity to film a Cover Girl commercial. She's very bubbly. Her reason for being a queen is stupid, though. She says, "I'm a queen because...well, who doesn't want to be a queen?" I mean, not me. All you do is hunt ducks and deal with the death of Princess Di and then have everyone think you're a real blowhard. No thanks. No matter, though. Brent seems like he just had a spontaneous orgasm from Saleisha's delivery. Jay tells Saleisha that her energy was great, and just suggests that she not look around like she's asking if she got it at the end of the commercial. Why does no one mention the fact that she's wearing a short backless halter vest over a tunic tank top? She does one more take, which everyone loves. She does her photo shoot and looks like she's on top of the world.
Bianca is up next. Her makeup indicates that she is Queen Bozo the Clowness. Brent tells her just to relax, and that she's not in front of a firing squad. Her delivery kind of sucks, mostly because of her caustic speaking voice, but her reason for being a queen rocks Brent's socks: "I'm a queen because I have flaws, but I make them beautiful." That is pretty good. I don't know if it's true, but it sounds nice, and Brent thinks Bianca's believable. Then again, he's wearing a gold medallion, so take his feedback as you will. She looks cute in her photo shoot, too.
And then there's Heather. She interviews that she thinks she'd make a pretty good Cover Girl because she's not a girly-girl. Does she know what Cover Girl is? I don't know about Heather's makeup and hair, either. She's definitely looked a lot prettier. Ooh! But there's the "Quiet on the set!" guy! Hey, buddy! Rocking the grey t-shirt, as always. But I digress. At this point of the season, you're all pretty familiar with Heather's speaking abilities, so I don't think I have to go into detail about how bad she is. She gets frustrated instantly, and makes a whole litany of faces. Jay and Brent tell her that her footage is going to be really hard to edit if she keeps doing that, so when she messes up, she should look into the camera and smile. She does not do this, sadly. Jay tells her that they're going to feed her the lines, so all she has to do is repeat one line at a time. Bianca looks on with glee as Heather struggles even with this. Jay tells us that Heather couldn't mimic the performance level he was looking for, so it wasn't even a matter of memorization. Heather is a queen because she's unique, and is very dramatically proud of it. Jeffrey Chu has maybe the quote of the episode as he says, "Jay is trying to help her, feeding her the lines. But, uh...I don't think work out really well." I mean, I guess the inability to speak didn't really hurt Jaslene. But thinking about twelve weeks worth of Heather's My Life as a Cover Girl spots does make me cringe a little.
Jenah is next, looking more like an albino with Alfred E. Neuman's teeth than ever. There's something about the Cover Girl camera that just brings the chompers to the forefront. She goes through a lot of takes, and I'm afraid that her teeth are actually going to accidentally poke through my TV screen and take a chunk out of my foot, unawares. Those things are dangerous. Jay tells us that Jenah looked the part of a cover girl, and that her performances were more genuine and believable. You know they cut him off before he could add, "...but those TEETH." I am not even kidding.