America's Next Top Model

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Potes: B | 2 USERS: A+
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Shanghaijinx!

Chantal is next, looking like the freaking Swiss Miss. Saleisha has the nerve to mimic Chantal's delivery, which is like the bubble calling the other bubble soapy. I have this sad feeling that Saleisha is going to win. Chantal is a queen because she loves and pampers herself. Of course. I mean, she looks like the Dairy Queen, but this is another matter. Jay loves the girl-next-door quality that Chantal has, and says that innocence serves her well in the ad. When she's done, Jay says that it was really good, but Brent doesn't look particularly impressed. Jeffrey thinks that Chantal is gorgeous and has great potential.

Oh, and then Lisa. Brent tells her to talk to the camera like she's talking to a friend. If all of her friends are in a similar line of work, that might not be such a good idea. Lisa instantly looks like she's about to burst into tears, and the fact that she can't get through a line doesn't help. Jay gives her a pep talk and tells her to get the nerves out. She starts again, and as soon as she flubs something, the tears are back. Jay tells her not to get so upset, and says that they're not expecting her to be perfect. And really, the last thing you want is your Cover Girl to look like she's in pain. Christie Brinkley just kept on smiling through her two messy divorces, you know? It's what you do. Jay interviews that the problem was that Lisa was only focused on failing, and instantly broke down in tears. Seriously, it's like a commercial for a domestic violence hotline. That's not going to sell a whole lot of shimmery shiny goo. Jay calls cut, and Lisa tells us that she's still going to pull it together in her photo shoot. Saleisha says that one of Lisa's challenges through her whole life has been not to let things overpower her or get to her. Saleisha tries to give Lisa some advice, which Lisa really does not want to hear. Saleisha is very indignant about this, to which I say there are some times to keep your know-it-all-ism to yourself, Tyra Jr. Lisa confessionalizes that, at this point, she's the only person who has to sweat. And is doing so, by the looks of it. Commercials.

When we return, everyone in China is moving in fast-forward, as they are wont to do. There is Tyra Mail, which announces impending elimination for one unlucky sod. Lisa interviews that she wants to be America's Next Top Model more than she's ever wanted anything. Bianca asks Lisa what she's going to do if she goes home, and Lisa says, "Cry." Lisa says that she has what it takes to be a model, but that her confidence is under the table right now. Seriously, she's not even a shell of herself. She's a shell of, like, Heather. Bianca interviews that the competition is getting really serious, and that she's not going to go home because she didn't want to fly thirty feet in the air. She says that they won't send her home for that because she won't let them. Oooh, for reals, I can't wait for the day when Bianca is eliminated, ideally instead of Heather. As Bianca herself would say, things are gonna get real ugly. Heather, meanwhile, says that she knows she's not perfect at modeling. She has strengths, but she also has weaknesses, and though she loves being in the competition, or in China, or wherever she thinks she is right now as she tries to figure out how to use a Cover Girl compact, there may be a huge chance she's going home.

And then it's time for Shanghai Panel! There are prizes, there are judges, there are gongs. I'm surprised there's not a big picture of Chairman Mao behind Tyra. Jeffrey Chu, the director of photography for the Cover Girl commercial, is the guest judge.

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America's Next Top Model

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