America's Next Top Model

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Another Brick In The Wall

Then, of course, there was Xi Shi, seventh-to-sixth century BC. She was so beautiful that the fish would stop swimming and sink beneath the surface when they saw her. Fish do the same when they see Tyra, but it's because they're afraid that she'll mistake them for a rib. Then there was Xang Guifei, 719-756, Tang Dynasty, said to have a face that would make all flowers feel ashamed in comparison to her. What's with making the natural world feel like crap? Tyra needs to start a T-Zone Camp in China for all the fish, flowers, and moons whose self-esteem has taken a beating these last thousands of years. Bianca asks when this is going to be over, and interviews that this is not her kind of thing. She much prefers a good convenience-store holdup. But, she says, when in China, do like the Chinese. The final beauty is Wang Zhaojun, first century BC, said to be so beautiful that the swans would stop flying and fall to the ground when they saw her. Those bunch of busted, broken-necked swans need the Chi-Zone Camp more than anyone. Miss J. tells the girls that they'll soon learn how this all relates to them, and Jenah starts to get a little nervous.

The girls head to their latest undeserved spectacular home, where they find Tyra Mail. It reads, "There is a great wall in China, but have you checked out the great mall? Love, Tyra." Below the Tyra Mail are four red boxes, in which there is one famous beauty dress for each girl. Chantal is excited, because she got the best one. The next morning, our four...beauties...head off in the dresses to, you guessed it, the mall. They once again meet Miss J. and Twiggy, who tell them that, like the four famous Chinese beauties, they need to learn to distinguish themselves. The challenge for the day is for the girls to modernize and contemporize the outfits, and make them their own. They each get one hour and 1500 yuan (about $200), and are told to take into account the stories of the four beauties.

The girls run off to ransack the mall. Chantal notes that her beauty carried a basket, so she thought she'd get a cute bag and pair of stilettos to modernize the story. Bianca was the beauty who put all the flowers to shame, so gets some white shoes and a flowered bag. Saleisha doesn't mention her story, but apparently figures that a clutch purse goes with a beauty of any century, BC or AD. Bianca tells us that she headed off to the other side of the mall, figuring that the other girls haven't been there and there might be some goods. She only finds more shoe stores, however, and is perturbed that she has to run back across the street in her already sweaty dress. We'll just assume for the sake of fabrics everywhere that these dresses are not vintage. The pissed-off Bianca sees Jenah and thinks to herself that she must strategize. She tells Jenah that she has to go across the street, because there's so much stuff over there, and then walks on her merry way. Bianca interviews that Jenah went running to the other stores, which made her feel better. Always delighting in the misfortunes of others. That's my girl! As Jenah chases the wild goose, we head to commercials.

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America's Next Top Model

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