Next is Yaya, who spoke unbearably slowly in Japanese. Janice says that her commercial was so loooooong and then flops her head down on the table. Nigel says it sounds like she was speaking in Morse code, but that she looked fantastic. The judges tell Yaya that spitting out the umeboshi was bad form and insulting to all of Japan. Yaya says that she's sorry in a way that illustrates how actually not sorry she is. Man, do I hate her.
And then, crap-ass fake bit number 617 of Cycle Three. Tyra says that it's time for the judges to deliberate. The other judges indicate that Tyra has forgotten about Nicole. Tyra -- who has apparently received formal training at the Cover Girl Beauty Tip of the Week acting academy -- goes, "Oh, oh. Sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, there you are behind Yaya." Girl, please. Nicole looks mildly pissed. She gets mixed reviews from the judges. Tyra says, "It's almost like I didn't remember when you finished." Yeah, it's almost exactly like that. The remaining living member of Milli Vanilli then comes out and sings "Ave Maria" flawlessly, just to underscore that when UPN says "reality," they mean nothing of the sort.
Now it is really time for the judges to deliberate. Norelle gets raves for her umeboshi reading. Tyra says that Norelle delivered her lines with "chutzpah...is that a word?" and pronounces the "ch." Tyra is all judeo-fabulous tonight, isn't she? Amanda didn't connect with the products that she was selling, and seems to be relying on the fact that she is gorgeous. Janice says that Amanda looks alien-esque, and Tyra is all, "What's wrong with that?" The judges are surprised at how likeable Ann was, and Tyra says that Ann was leading the pack tonight, which was a shocker. Tyra passes around Yaya's picture, and Janice says, "I've seen better faces on iodine bottles." Jigga-wha? See, she looks all clear-faced and lucid, and it's deceiving. The panel thinks that Yaya is beautiful, but was completely out of line when spitting out the umeboshi. Tyra says, "I feel like a little bit of it is pompous with her." "A little bit"? Please. Madonna's British accent is all, "I can't even be in the same room with that bitch." Nicole is pretty, but blah. Or, as Janice says, "Beyond blah." Eva's commercial was a disaster, or as Nigel says, "A cocoa puff mess." Can we please get the judges translators? Janice says that when Eva stands in front of the panel, she smolders.













Comments