America's Next Top Model
The Girls Meet Taye Diggs

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Turning Japanese

Norelle, who proves to be quite the charming narrator for this episode, interviews that, of course, there was more to the challenge. The girls notice a hospital bed. Norelle says, "Oh gosh, prepare to die. I'm sorry, but I am not a good die-er." The girls will be given a scene to perform. Nicole thinks that she has an edge because she played Lady Macbeth (and also Mammy Yokum) in high school. Troll says that the girls are going to be reading with a very well-known and respected actor who also is a UPN star. I know, I know, it sounds like a paradox. But it's Kevin Hill's Taye Diggs! And I know that he's rather diminutive and I like to date men who are, well, women, but...damn, does Taye Diggs look fine. Everyone is excited.

Eva is first in the acting challenge. Each girl plays a woman ("Julia") dying of an illness, who has a few minutes to express her feelings to her lover, the irrepressibly hot Taye Diggs ("Brad"). They have to lie in the bed and read off of cue cards. Eva coughs in a sickly way and begins, "Brad I'm dying." Brad tells her that he's talked to the doctor, and that she's going to pull through. The cue card reads, "If you haven't forgotten, I'm a doctor, too. And the prognosis for restrictive cardiomyopathy with paroxysmal nocturnal dyspoea is hardly positive." Ha! I think that this scene was written by the Pulitzer Prize-winning team that brought us "Smells Like Cupcakes." Eva tries to read the card, but says, "If you haven't forgotten, I am a doctor. And the prognosis for reconstructive cardiomapothy, with...all these illsnesses...is hardly positive." HA HA HA! She said "illsnesses." Oh, I am dying. Of paroxysmal nocturnal dyspoea!

There is a montage of the other girls messing up the ridiculously difficult medical jargon. Norelle starts to laugh (adorably!) when she gets to the hard words. She interviews that she couldn't read the text if her life depended on it. Yaya is insufferable, per usual. The girls get to a part where they have to talk about strolling down what the cue card deems the "Champs d'Elysé." Which, isn't it the Champs-Elyseés? I'm sure Yaya could tell me. She pronounces the word with relish, lest we forget that she speaks three other languages. Ann fumbles, while Norelle simply says, "We strolled down the park." Taye interviews (more Taye interviews! More Taye interviews! More naked Taye interviews! Oooh, did I say that out loud?)...oh, hell, I can't focus what he's saying. I'm too enthralled by his shiny little head and pleasant speaking voice. And those hot, nerdy glasses. ["I don't recall such a rapturous description of me last week, you whore." -- Harry T. Rantula] I think I might need to take a small break from sexually harassing Taye Diggs via the internets and collect myself.

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America's Next Top Model

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