America's Next Top Model
The Girls Meet Taye Diggs

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Turning Japanese

And, back. The girls get to the part in the script where Taye Diggs touches them and says, "I love you." Amanda interviews that Taye Diggs is cute, and in the scene she begins to fan herself. Taye Diggs says, "Are you hot?" and starts to fan her. Ha! Oh, Taye Diggs. Let's escape this madness and run away together! The girls then must say, "They're coming!" Meaning the angels. Taye Diggs calls for a nurse. The girls die, one while wearing boots. Taye Diggs says, "And you died in your favorite shoes." HA! Oh, Taye Diggs, stop making me love you more. You are a married man. And I have a girlfriend. But alas, it is too late! A supposedly already dead Amanda moves her head. Taye Diggs says, "Julia? You're alive! You're alive! You scared me, I thought you died!" Amanda then says, "It's okay," and re-dies. Taye Diggs says, "Julia, that's a cruel trick. That's a cruel trick, Julia." Oh, Taye Diggs, it is a cruel trick that you are embarking upon right now to make me watch Kevin Hill. But I still won't do it. But wait...I already have! Okay, I haven't. But I really, really want to. Damn you, UPN!

Taye Diggs and the troll (who looks even worse next to such a fine example of the human form) give the girls their critiques. Eva, Norelle, Ann, Yaya, and Amanda get their feedback, and Ann totally has her arm around Norelle. The troll announces that they have come up with a winner, and then everyone realizes that she's forgotten Nicole. Poor Nicole. Her feedback is, "We really don't remember you." I mean, not actually, but it might as well have been. They play footage of the winner on a giant screen. It is Yaya. A nation rolls its collective eye. But when they get to the part of the dialogue in which Taye Diggs yells, "Nurse!" Tyra comes prancing out in a totally professional-looking nurse's outfit. And if you didn't actually watch the show, that was sarcasm. Hoochie Nurse Tyra says that they should look at Julia's chart. Taye asks for a hug first, and rests his head on Tyra's bosom. Which, in all fairness, is just where his head falls when he stands next to her. They read the chart.

Taye Diggs: You've taken your class, you've been challenged by me/ But now it's time to act for TV
Hoochie Nurse Tyra: It's not gonna be easy, you'll be on the go/ So pack your bags, girls, because you're going to TOKYO!

Pandemonium. Squealing. Jumping up and down. Tyra says that Yaya, as the winner, will spend the thirteen-hour flight to Tokyo in "Luxury Class." ["Boo! You whore." -- Wing Chun] She gets to choose one companion. She picks Amanda, and leaves the other suckers to slum it in Coach. ["Amanda won't be able to appreciate the luxury if she can't see shit!" -- Wing Chun] Yaya interviews, "This is my fourth consecutive win, so I picked Nicole once, I picked Norelle...it was Amanda's turn." She is at her most offensive when she thinks she's being magnanimous. Everyone continues to be excited. Commercials. Au revoir, Taye Diggs! I'll be seeing you at 9 PM eastern standard time.

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America's Next Top Model

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