America's Next Top Model
The Girls The Lionesses Are Hunting

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The girls pull up to some sort of game reserve with a warning sign that reads, "DANGER: Wild animals and attack dogs on premises. KEEP OUT!" Oh, please tell me that the show is sending them to their doom! If it were May sweeps, I would perhaps hold out hope. It is raining, and this place is one big muddy mess. J. Alexander greets the girls. And yay! I've missed him. He tells the girls that they are six lucky bitches, and that they're going to study animals and learn, from them, how to pose. And say what you will, but the grunt of one orangutan has to be superior to the ramblings of Jay Manuel. This training will also be related to their challenge. "We have lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" says Miss J. "We have rat weaves and she-nees and jowls, oh no!" says Potes. J. introduces Eric and Jet, the animal trainers who are there to go over safety precautions. Rats. Christina interviews that if an animal comes at her, she's going to turn and run fast. Eric tells them that they should remain perfectly still if an animal gets loose, because if they move, the animal is likely to come after them. Move! Move! We return to Christina, who says, "Great. There goes my game plan."

A beautiful leopard poses for the girls and demonstrates extension. Then we meet Kismet the tiger, who holds poses for thirty seconds or more. Kismet, whose teeth are roughly the same color as Michelle's, starts to growl at J., who remains still. He tells the girls to notice that he didn't flinch an inch, even though he was "bound for the toilet." (I should add that he's wearing a little safari outfit and trucker hat, and has his hair in pigtails.) Next, we meet Bam Bam the bear, whom Jay says looks like his last boyfriend. He's hairy and has a lot of drool all over his mouth, so glean from that comment what you will. Naima says that she's really trying to study and imitate the bear, but it's difficult. Kahlen says that she doesn't care for the bear so much, and is grossed out by his slobber. Jay tells the girls not to let any white stuff come out of their mouths when they pose. Eric asks who wants to give the bear a kiss, and Brittany is first to volunteer. Without drinks, even! She likes them big and hairy, too, which makes sense, since people are often attracted to those who resemble them. Bam Bam takes a marshmallow from each girl's mouth. I actually think that looks kind of fun, slobber and all. After Keenyah goes for the marshmallow kiss, Brittany notes that both she and the bear enjoyed it. Hee. Kahlen is still grossed out and says that she wants to brush her teeth for five days straight. Bam Bam can't wait to get back inside the reserve and tell the other beasts about how much human action he got. He will conveniently leave out his interlude with Michelle.

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America's Next Top Model

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