America's Next Top Model

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Reality Television Pseudo-Fame Costs
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: the girls got all horny-like over male model Tyson Beckford, who taught them the fine art of selling popsicles and bananas via simulated fellatio. Ebony and Ambreal failed to impress at the photo shoot, so they wound up in the bottom two. And in a judging first, Ebony -- despite being selected to stay -- totally gave Tyra the metaphorical hand and decided to roll, giving Ambreal a second chance. Or, like, a fourth chance, given all the times she's in the bottom two. Eight bitches remain!

We enter with the girls riding home from elimination, discussing Ebony's departure. Bianca says she thinks that Ebony wanted to be there in the beginning, but then started missing family members. No, Tyra just broke her bony ass down. Saleisha says she's glad that Ebony did it, because if she had stayed another week it would have been a waste, and Ambreal, who really wants to be there, would have gone home. See, it really makes perfect sense. Team Ebony! Ambreal interviews that she's not supposed to be there. To paraphrase .38 Special, when Ebony makes the sound, "Aaah! Get me out of here!" Ambreal gets a second chance. She thinks the judges wanted to send her home because they lost faith in her, and she has to prove to them that she deserves to be there. Doesn't she say that every week, and pretty much every week she lands in the bottom two?

Back in the house, Sarah is having a hard time with the judges' criticism that her body type has changed. She says she doesn't know if she's too small or too big, and whether she should try to stay a plus-sized model or not. She says that sometimes, she just feels like she's wrong. And, sadly, not so wrong that she's right. Chantal interviews that Sarah is struggling. She doesn't feel good about herself, and isn't even pretending she does. This is the time when Sarah needs to start stress-eating, put on twenty pounds, and win the competition. There is a pot pie out there with your name on it, Sarah! If this were a live show, we could totally start a charity food drive to keep Sarah safe and send her fatty treats. I'm in for five pounds of bacon!

In the hot tub, Jenah tells Bianca, Ambreal, and Lisa that she thinks the four of them could do top five. Chantal, who is approaching the edge of the hot tub, does not seem to be included in this conversation, or the mythical "four," but this does not deter her from thinking that she's the bee's knobbly yet attractive knees. She tells the other girls that she doesn't have any doubts about herself. She confessionalizes that the other girls are great and are tough competition, but that she feels whereas they are lacking in certain areas, she has it all. And believe me when I tell you this is one mere ridge on the peanut butter cup that is Chantal's self-confidence. And while I'm all for a healthy self-image, I'm usually not a proponent of delusion and being annoying, so at the moment I can merely cock an eyebrow and wait for Chantal to get her comeuppance.

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America's Next Top Model

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