America's Next Top Model
The Girls Who Get Really Naked

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Further Teachings From The Book Of Robin

So you guys know who the best inadvertent couture model in history is, then? Willy Wonka. I don't mean to sound lowbrow or anything, but they're all wearing these crazy hats and colors and they cost so many golden tickets to buy and Adrianne's life story is basically the first two verses and a chorus of "Cheer Up, Charlie" anyway. They are outfitted in some serious finery, and Adrianne tells us that she was wearing a $20,000 gown, which is followed with the question, "How are you not gonna like some gown that's worth more than your house and your car?" Really, Adrianne? Really? The total net worth of your home and your automobile is less than $20,000? Because that sounds like you had some serious bad luck at that MASH game we used to play on long bus rides to field trips to Safety Town and the planetarium and stuff, because it means that your house is your car. And your car has a bumper sticker reading "my other car could beat up your kid's honor student" or something tax-bracket-appropriate on it.

Back at the Hotel Two Cap, Tyra Mail! Tyra Mail! informs the ladies as such: "Tomorrow is your day. You have from 10-3 to enjoy Paris and all the splendors it has to offer." Adrianne, bless her ghetto heart, points at Elyse right away and expresses her desire to go to the Eiffel Tower and to Jim Morrison's grave. But Robin and Shannon want nothing more than to go shopping, Robin going out of her way to underscore the cultural differences between herself and the others in asking, "Who is Jim Morris?" Ooooh, trick question. Where's my blackboard and pointer? Jim Morris has been everything from a journeyman pitcher who was the inspiration for the film The Rookie and is probably very surprised to find himself buried in Paris when he just signed with Los Angeles, and Jim Morris is also a self-described "Gulf and Western" singer-songwriter (find that website, people, and then come over and we'll all have a good laugh over that kick-ass "Freaky Tiki" picture). But Jim Morrison, according to Adrianne is, "the lead singer of The Doors, one of the most influential bands that has ever existed on the face of the earth." Influential in leading to the creation of the sixth worst Val Kilmer movie of all time? Yes. Influential in doing anything for rock music that didn't involve me burying my head in the pillow of my dorm room bed and screaming, "Someone just invent Mapquest already so I can tell the stoner freaks on three how the hell to get to the next whiskey bar, already." Oh, fine. Since you asked:

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America's Next Top Model

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