America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model

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Potes: A- | 610 USERS: C+
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The Girl Who Is Way Too Nice

Next, Sarah does flirty. Jay tells her to go with her first instinct, because she knows what she's doing. Sarah interviews that she thinks because she does photography and has done modeling before, she tends to overthink and overanalyze. Well, we all know where that leads. I have to say, Sarah seems less annoying in this episode. Maybe it's because certain other folks are being doubly annoying.

Dionne is next. She says that she's not a bad girl, but could maybe play it slutty, because she's good at seducing people. She gets them in that dentist chair and uses wiles like you've never seen from someone holding a tooth scraper. Dionne, it must be said, looks hot.

Next is Cassandra. We get a bunch of stuff from the Herbal Essences lady, which is hilarious since we know that Cassandra has a wig sewn to her head. Cassandra is the cheerleader, and gets to show some attitude. Jay tells her that he thinks it's a little dull, and that Cassandra is not a dull girl. She tries to be less dull, with mixed results.

And then there is Fucking Renee. Renee tells us that she's the class clown, which makes her a little "piffed." "Piffed"? For real? Does she mean miffed? Or pissed? Or a combination of both, which I guess would be "piffed." Pissily miffed. I don't know why, but my mind is totally blown right now. Renee wonders why she couldn't get something that she's good at. Well, because that thing doesn't exist. She argues that other girls are getting stuff that they're good at. Oh, shut up and do your job. She tries to be clowny, but has not one funny bone in her body, and thus struggles. Jay suggests that she ask Jael, who is sitting in the room, for tips on being a clown. Renee is also apparently piffed that Jael and Sarah are in the room watching her shoot without asking her first. Jay says that Renee was painful to watch because she didn't come out of her shell, and also doesn't have the best range of expressions.

Samantha is next. She says that the girl with the bad reputation isn't her at all. Jay says that last week probably wasn't her either, and Samantha agrees. She says that she got to be a lesbian and a ho, and sarcastically adds that it's so much fun. Try being a lesbian ho, which is perhaps the most fun of all! Samantha's all decked out in a skanky outfit. She says that she's thinking about her boyfriend, and Jay tells her to think about the other one. She says that there isn't another one. Oh, innocent Samantha. To add to her misery, Jay tells her to pretend like she's masturbating. And first of all, they bleep out the word "masturbating." You can't say "masturbating" on TV? And second of all, Samantha has totally never masturbated. You can tell that she's all like, "If I touch it, it will fall off!" even though that doesn't make any sense for a girl. She is scandalized, and thinks that even if she pretends to masturbate for the photo shoot, she'll go blind. Meanwhile, for no apparent reason, Fucking Renee is crying. She interviews that she could have done ten times better than Samantha, because Samantha doesn't know how to be sexy, but that being sexy is easy. Wasn't Renee just saying that she was mad that the other girls didn't have to go out of their comfort zone? Well, here's a girl going out of her comfort zone. God, I just want to snap a rubber band at Renee's face.

America's Next Top Model

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