It is night, and Tyra enters the salon and calls everyone together. She tells them that part of being a top model is accepting change and being a blank palette. She also says that they are privileged to be working with some of the top people in the business who, in fact, helped to shape her own career. She commends twelve of the girls for being open, but says that two girls -- and they know who they are -- pissed her off, and that this will come to bear the next time she sees them, which will be at judging. D'oh! Keenyah and Brandy look mildly terrified. Yay! I like this new, meaner side of Tyra. Commercials.

And where once there was a highly amusing tip of the week, now there is just Fucking Pigford. She's doing another shot for Cover Girl, this time for mascara. We get one "AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I know the first step to recovery is admitting that I am powerless over Cover Girl's choices, but I still want my Tip of the Week. Screw you, Pigford!

When we return, the girls receive Tyra Mail telling them that judging is imminent. Keenyah -- whose hair is suddenly swept to the side in a really unflattering manner -- interviews that she thinks it will come down to her and Brandy in the elimination. Brandy is crying on the couch and praying for a miracle. Tiffany tells her that she needs to change her attitude, because her attitude stinks. Tiffany says that Brandy needs to lose the anger. I say that Top Model needs to lose Brandy.

And then....oh my Jesus. We get the traditional "photo of Tyra in the style of the week's shoot" as we enter the judging panel. But this is no ordinary photo. This is a photo of a bald, alien Tyra on the shores of planet Zecron 5-649. How nice that she felt fine to share one of those photos that her mom took of her in the back yard! Seriously, though: scariest photo ever. I have it on pause right now and am completely terrified that she is going to jump out of the screen, suck out my human life force via my navel, and ARURGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHGHGHHG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELLO FELLOW EARTHLINGS, HERE I AM, YES ME POTES, CONTINUING YOUR WEEKLY RECAP, JUST LIKE I DO EVERY WEEK. HA HA I LOVE TEH SNARK. AND NOW IT IS TIME TO REMIND YOU THAT TYRA BANKS IS THE GREATEST SUPERMODEL IN THE UNIVERSE. SO PRETTY AND HUMANOID AND OPRAH-LIKE SHE IS! HOW HAS SHE STAYED ON TOP ALL THESE YEARS AND NEVER GAINED A SINGLE POUND, I WONDER, WHILE EATING GENEROUS PORTIONS OF GREEN SLIME AND BRAINS DAILY?? HAHA. YOU GO, GIRL.!!!! P.S. NAOMI CAMPBELL SUX!!!