America's Next Top Model
The Guy Who Gets a Weave

Episode Report Card
Potes: A | 10 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Philsus Christ Superstar
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

With nary a "previously on," we jump into the third, relentlessly amusing episode of this season of Top Model with the models returning home to find Marvin's best-of-week photo in the house. Marvin loves it, and not only because he's Big Love-ing it up with five Holly Hobby looking bitches. He's got the Tyra Suite this week, and chooses Don to bounce around on the big bed and raid the Guess closet with him. Marvin thinks that a dude is going to win this season for sure, and tells us that the girls are making excuses for why they didn't bring it. Excuses like, "I was so distracted by Marvin talking constantly about how he wants to have sex with me."

Cut to Chlea, who isn't exactly making excuses for her poor performance, but is discussing why Kelly Cutrone hates her fiercely real guts. All Chlea did, she says, is tell Kelly that she maybe comes across as a little bit harsh. Renee, trying to be diplomatic, says that she's trying to take the comment as Kelly might take it -- e.g., in a rude, sassy way. Chlea is like, "WHY would she take offense at my unsolicited (rude, sassy) advice?" We flash back to Kelly ripping Chlea a new one at panel last week, and then see Chlea going off about how long Kelly has been a judge on this show and made bitches cry.

Chlea was just telling it like it is, and keeping it real, and INFORMING Kelly that her delivery is a bit harsh. You know, like a critical friend, with more emphasis on the "critical" and less on the "friend." Being someone significent who hasn't spoken to the mother who kicked her out when she was seventeen, Chlea is not down with anybody trying to control her. Renee tells Chlea to be smart. Chlea declines to take that advice. It's against her nature, really.

And then it's time for a hormone update! Phil, who somehow has a button-down shirt with the shoulders cut out, like Streisand in the Donna Karan-heavy 1990s but sassier, tells us that a lot can happen when girls and guys live together in a house. There's no privacy and girls are walking around half-naked, which means that hormones are active. A night-cam catches Phil getting cozy with Jiana while she's in her bunk bed. He's standing and she's laying, but their faces are awfully close to one another. Jiana tells us that something in the house is likely to happen soon, and she thinks that Phil might have a bit of a crush on her.

Marvin, of course, wants to bone anything that moves, and he and Don try to no avail to get two ladies to come share in the Tyra Suite with them. Cory serves as the voice of reason, telling us that he can't deal with the hetero-normative high school vibe that's happening. We are reminded that Cory has been challenged to up his masculinity in photos, and he says he's concerned about going home. To which I say he's way too delightful not to keep around for a time, despite certain makeover-related events that occur this episode.

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America's Next Top Model

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