America's Next Top Model
The Guy Who Has a Panic Attack

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 16 USERS: B
Bali Wanna Cracker?

The contestants arrive at a location with beautiful traditional legong dancers and gamelan musicians. Rob and Johnny welcome the models, saying this is just a small taste of the beauty and culture they'll experience in Bali. A larger taste comes in the form of their villas at the resort. Nina, having the best photo last week, gets the Balinese Tyra Suite and celebrates accordingly. Jourdan tells us the house is the most beautiful she's ever seen, and there's lots of jumping around. Marvin points out a lovely lounge area where he can see himself and Renee snuggling in the sunset. At this point he's scared to call himself her boyfriend (scared of what she'll do if she hears him saying that, I'm guessing) but tells us to give him a couple more days and it will be at that point. What he means, I think, is that he's planning to finally bone her in Bali. Renee confessionalizes that she doesn't fucking know what's going on with her and Marvin. But she likes the kid, who has a nice body and is hot.

Marvin seems to be walking down a rather unwise (for he who wants to get laid) "bros before hos" path, and talks with the other guys and Nina in the pool about how they think the final three will be two dudes and a lady. Chris also unwisely proclaims that it's he and Nina who will be in the final two, with one of either Marvin, Don or Cory. That's unwise because he says it directly to those guys, who come back at him with the fact that he was in the bottom two last week and only moved forward after an inexplicable score of 9 from Kelly that they think was undeserved. They all think he should have gone home, but Chris points out that Kelly is a PR MAVEN and thus know what she's talking about. The fact that they're so preoccupied with his score, says Chris, is a sign that they're threatened by him. Also a sign that they hate him. Cory agrees that Chris should have gone home, but was saved by the fact that Kelly Cutrone had her head up his ass. He adds for good measure that Chris is totally immature, not ready for the competition, and should go home. Chris probably wishes he could go back to those halcyon days when people merely found him incredibly annoying because he punched them in the nuts.

The models then get on a boat where Johnny introduces them to Carole Lacroix, brand manager of Bali-based swim and underwear line 69 Slam. Carole like models with a great physique and great attitude, and today the contestants will get to show that on a runway at the bottom of the sea. Is it too much to hope that a wayward shark will stumble across this and think of it as a buffet line? In addition to the 69 Slam swimsuits, the models will be wearing Seawalker helmets that will help them breathe underwater. Don starts freaking out at the thought of losing control and wearing a breathing helmet underwater and can't focus on anything but his own anxiety. He is not soothed by the prize for the challenge -- $3,000 worth of swimsuits and underwear.

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America's Next Top Model




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