America's Next Top Model
The Guy Who Has a Panic Attack

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 16 USERS: B
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Bali Wanna Cracker?

The models head to a place called Bali Safari for the week's photo shoot. And there are animals! Johnny greets the crew with an orangutan chilling next to him and lets them know that they're going to be posing with some non-human friends. In addition to the orangutan, who seems quite lovely, there are macaws from South America, a Javan leopard, and an albino Burmese python. He tells them that their job is to channel their animal companion and get an amazing living photo.

Hair and makeup is like backstage at The Lion King. Cory is psyched that he gets to pose with an orangutan, given how similar they are to humans in terms of physique. The photographer for the day is Lennette Newell, who is a specialist in shooting animals. Cory and the awesome orangutan friend hang from a rope, and Cory tells us that he's embodying the orangutan but also giving high fashion and looking fierce. Jourdan also poses with the orangutan, in a wig that makes her look like Shelley Long. Renee is thrilled that Jourdan is struggling in her shot. The orangutan is killing it though.

Nina is next, and is posing with a python wrapped around her neck. She's excited to have her Britney Spears moment, until the python starts acting up and going out of frame. Johnny yells at Nina to better manage the python, which is tough talk for someone who is not wrapped in a giant fucking python. He's worried about her, and in fact she seems to be struggling even more as the shoot goes on. As a friend Don is concerned for her, but as a competitor he's hoping that she biffs it good. At the end of Nina's shoot, Johnny says he's not confident that they got anything. Nina starts crying about how she could have done better, which gives Chris yet another opportunity to not offer her comfort. He tells us that Nina's tears are nothing new to him, and she needs to get over it. I sort of get his point, though, since everyone else tries to console her and she defies their comfort so she can continue to wallow in misery. Cory interviews, "Surprise, Nina is upset agaaaaaain." He's kind of sick of it, but also cares about Nina. Meanwhile, Nina is SO absorbed in her own pain that she sneaks a look out of the corner of her eye to see if Chris gives a rat. He does not. She wonders why she's bothering to give his whiny antics any of her attention when he won't reciprocate. Maybe these two DO deserve each other.

Don is next with the python, and looks awfully nervous. The python keeps moving out of frame for him too, and Johnny keeps yelling at Don to lengthen his neck and keep his chin up. Johnny tells us that Don is a good looking guy, but there was no point at which he was wowed. Awwww, and then there's the baby leopard! Renee is posing with him, and is terrified. This is the girl who couldn't handle a toad, if you'll remember. She gets close to the leopard then runs away, and someone yells at her to remember that quick movements are bad. Renee wonders how, if she can't make quick movements, she's supposed to get away from the leopard's sharp fangs. She tells us that this is a wild animal. The leopard wants to play, but how leopards play (mauling humans) and how humans play (buying leopard coats) are not always compatible. Renee is quite edgy with the leopard, and Jourdan is thrilled that she's freaking out.

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America's Next Top Model

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