America's Next Top Model

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Potes: A- | 882 USERS: B-
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Lauren Brie is next, and the orgasm-noises continue when the judges see her shot. Miss J. is living for her photo, and Paulina can't believe how perfectly her foot is positioned. Tarina says the pose is like a broken doll. Tyra agrees that the photo is to die for. It could be a Dior campaign, or a Louis Vuitton campaign. It is indeed a pretty fierce photo, even though she looks like she might have dislocated her arm. Lauren Brie takes it all in dull stride. I don't think she has all that much going on in her gouda brain. McKey is up next. Nigel thinks that the long shot is great, but when he looks at her face it goes to a cartoon level. Paulina agrees that she looks like the love child of Poison Ivy and the Joker. Oh, it's not that bad. Tyra brings up Mr. Jay's critique that McKey lost her poses before the photographer could shoot a frame. This leads, as most things do, right back to Tyra. Just yesterday she was shooting with Steven Meisel, and he wanted her to hold poses for so long that she started to shake. Her mind goes somewhere else, she says, like the year 2020, when we all live in Tymerica and anxiously await our daily delivery of Tyra Mail, and kneel before the fat-ass altar and give it a kiss, in Her name.

Clark is next, and Miss J. just calmly says, "...Something about your skin color..." Clark admits that she might have gone a little overboard on the bronzer. She is positively eggshell next to Jay Manuel, though. Regrettably, Clark's picture is pretty good. Tyra says that a lot of her film has her looking like a local girl who will never leave L.A., but this photo shows a girl who could work in Europe. Rats. Even though she didn't do anything objectionable in this episode, I think we're still safe in wishing her ill.

America's Next Top Model

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