America's Next Top Model

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Potes: A- | 1 USERS: A+
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We then have Nikeysha. Tyra begins by asking Nikeysha what her eating habits are, because she's very thin. Nikeysha doesn't answer the question, instead asking the panel if they think she's too thin. Paulina does indeed think she's too thin. Miss J. somewhat mysteriously says, "A full-on cheeseburger, fried chicken and a watermelon chaser. You are fantastical!" The other girls all make amused faces and hand gestures, and I must confess that I have no clue as to what's going on. Even Hannah seems to know what's happening, so I guess it's not a whitey thing. Is he telling her that she should eat that? Or she does eat that? Or is Miss J. joining the dream? We may never know for sure. Anyway, Nikeysha's picture isn't so hot. Paulina says that she looks like a paper bag with pipe cleaners coming out of it. Now that was Janice Dickinson-worthy. If she had a normal sized leg and arm, Nigel adds, the garment wouldn't look as big. They will in fact have to retouch her arms and legs to make them look bigger. Now that seems counterintuitive. Tyra adds that Nikeysha's face is stunning, which I think is a load of fantastical cheeseburger.

Lauren Brie is next, and the orgasm-noises continue when the judges see her shot. Miss J. is living for her photo, and Paulina can't believe how perfectly her foot is positioned. Tarina says the pose is like a broken doll. Tyra agrees that the photo is to die for. It could be a Dior campaign, or a Louis Vuitton campaign. It is indeed a pretty fierce photo, even though she looks like she might have dislocated her arm. Lauren Brie takes it all in dull stride. I don't think she has all that much going on in her gouda brain. McKey is up next. Nigel thinks that the long shot is great, but when he looks at her face it goes to a cartoon level. Paulina agrees that she looks like the love child of Poison Ivy and the Joker. Oh, it's not that bad. Tyra brings up Mr. Jay's critique that McKey lost her poses before the photographer could shoot a frame. This leads, as most things do, right back to Tyra. Just yesterday she was shooting with Steven Meisel, and he wanted her to hold poses for so long that she started to shake. Her mind goes somewhere else, she says, like the year 2020, when we all live in Tymerica and anxiously await our daily delivery of Tyra Mail, and kneel before the fat-ass altar and give it a kiss, in Her name.

Clark is next, and Miss J. just calmly says, "...Something about your skin color..." Clark admits that she might have gone a little overboard on the bronzer. She is positively eggshell next to Jay Manuel, though. Regrettably, Clark's picture is pretty good. Tyra says that a lot of her film has her looking like a local girl who will never leave L.A., but this photo shows a girl who could work in Europe. Rats. Even though she didn't do anything objectionable in this episode, I think we're still safe in wishing her ill.

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America's Next Top Model

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