America's Next Top Model

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Brittany is next, and also appears to struggle. Jay finds her confusing, because she's so beautiful to look at, but she doesn't understand how to harness her power. Well, then teach her something! Argh. Joslyn, however, gets up on that ladder and turns it out something fierce. Jay says that she's giving Lauren Brie a run for her money. Clark is next and Jay tells her to be careful about sitting on the ladder, because it makes her look like a stumpmeister. Hannah is up next, and says that this shoot is hard for her because she doesn't know what to do. She needs to prove that she really can catch on, and isn't just a fish out of water 24-7. If she were a fish out of water, she'd be one of those weird ones with big teeth. Yikes.

Samantha is next. Jay says that Samantha walked onto set looking like a top model, but during the whole shoot she wasn't aware of the garment. Well, why don't you tell her to be aware of the garment, Jay? Sometimes he is, in fact, anti-helpful. McKey is next, and keeps hitting a good look but changing it before the photographer can get it. We finally have Marjorie, who does a fantastic job judging by the praise that Jay and the photographer yell out. That's a wrap, and without even one model plummeting to her death. Stupid show.

Back at the house, Hannah worries about her performance. She confessionalizes that she wants to be there, and wants to win. I want her to be there, too, at least long enough for the others to beat on her a little more. There is Tyra Mail. Someone is getting the boot. Sheena tells the other girls that they should start packing and tidying up. They do not seem to think it's funny. As if to prove what a gang-rapist she is, Sheena has a tank top with the word "wifebeater" on it. She confessionalizes that she has what it takes to do this, but one little slip is all you need to get the boot. It's all or nothing, and you need to go hard or go home. With this, we head to commercials.

We return to panel with Tyra almost getting carried away by balloons, Gonzo-style. That's a lot of balloons. There are prizes, there are judges. Tarina Tarantino is the guest judge for the week. And I'm not even going to go into Miss J.'s stupid necklace. If he got rid of a tooth each week a girl got eliminated, I'd be interested. Until then, he gets no press from me.

Analeigh is up first for evaluation. Nigel thinks her photo is beautiful, but it lacks real commitment. Paulina says that Analeigh's face shows that she's thinking about what she's doing rather than making us join the dream. Frankly, I'd rather keep my distance from whatever particular dream Paulina is talking about. Tarina Tarantino thinks Analeigh's pose is perfect. Next is Samantha. The way the dress is falling on her, says Nigel, makes her look heavier than she is. Tyra takes this opportunity to deliver a PSA entitled, "Shiny fabric is not your friend." It's true. Nonetheless, Tyra tells Samantha that she has some good moves. Hannah is next. Nigel likes that her photo is different, unexpected, and has a lot of good angles. However, he and Miss J. agree that her face doesn't work.

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America's Next Top Model

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