America's Next Top Model

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Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

Jenah loves the sweet-ass green bus. Kimberly says there is grass all along the seats and she thinks the seats are made of recycled tires. Or all of Janice Dickinson's old faces. Mila reads the Tyra Mail: "When a model is inexperienced, she is green. When a model is successful, she makes green. When a model is conscious, she goes green." As most models are famous for being functionally unconscious the majority of the time, I think the world is safe from their efforts at environmentalism.

The girls get to their house, which is awesome as usual. It might be the same house as another season -- I can't really tell anymore. Maybe every house just looks the same because of the Tyra wallpaper. It has a big runway where the girls can see themselves walking, which is pretty cool. Janet says that the green thing is all over the house. You can see this really well, because every light in the place is on. But let me give credit to Tyra for trying to reduce her carbon footprint to a size ten Jimmy Choo. In addition to the many pictures of Tyra, several of the beds seem to have a giant picture of Jaslene above them. To which I say, these girls get so little sleep as it is -- must we fill their precious moments of slumber with nightmares, too?

Ebony tells us that when she first came to the competition, no one seemed to like her. Well, that's because she was a stank ho. So she's trying to be more reserved and keep more to herself. Ebony is clearly not smart enough to see that what she needs is a quality Pigford redemption arc. Watch the marathons on VH1 and learn, my friend! They are there to teach you.

Jenah asks the other girls who wants to go skinny-dipping. Lisa says she'll be the first one in. She tells us she's never been anywhere near a house this nice, and would probably get the cops called on her. She's soaking it in, and it's amazing. She then totally slips from the ledge between the hot tub and pool and falls in with all of her clothes on. Hee. Several of the other girls are in there with their clothes on, too. More than giant pictures of Tyra, what they really need in this house is a good dictionary. Just because you're wearing skinny jeans, that doesn't mean you're skinny-dipping.

While everyone else is enjoying pool shenanigans, Heather is hunched over a notebook. She tells us she wasn't a normal child, and would be by herself a lot. It was very lonely, and brought up questions of what was wrong with her, and why people couldn't understand her. She hopes she can get along with the other girls. One place that Heather doesn't seem awkward at all is in her interviews -- she's very honest, clear, and direct.

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America's Next Top Model

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