America's Next Top Model

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Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

When we return, Lisa is telling Victoria to practice her look for the shoot, but Victoria says she's going to wing it. Victoria tells us that the other girls think that she can use her book smarts to strategize in the competition, but really, she's just making it up as she goes along. Victoria gets to be a pregnant smoker, who then has a stillborn baby. I mean, seriously. Ebony is wearing a gold lamé dress, and Jay says she looks like she's sitting on a toilet. Jay notes that she seems tentative, as opposed to the confident bee-yotch who really stood out in a crowd. Ebony says that when she did that, the girls didn't like her. Jay's voice raises about two octaves as he queens, "Well who cares?" He has kind of a point, I guess. Ebony breathes oxygen from a tank in her second shoot, due to a collapsed lung. Jay tells us that Ebony was like a wooden puppet, and when you're on set, you need to just let it all go. Bianca is next, and Jay thinks she's holding back. But she's better in her second shoot, because who could hold back when suffering from severe gingivitis? They're scraping the bottom of the tobacco barrel with that one. But it's good to see Bianca with teeth that represent her rancid personality. Lisa is next, and she looks pretty good. She says she's going to be on the cover of Vogue one day, and she doesn't care what she has to do. I imagine "Kill Anna Wintour" might be on the list. And then, agh! Lisa has a giant open face tumor in her second shoot. Yes, I said FACE TUMOR. She really connects to it, too, according to Mr. Jay.

When Lisa returns backstage, Bianca screams, "Did you think you did better than me, Lisa?" Lisa doesn't exactly take the bait, but says that she thought she did a great job. Bianca, as will come as no surprise, doesn't think Lisa did, and either says that nobody else thought Lisa did well, or says nobody else did well either. A tip for Bianca: if you're going to be really bitchy, usually it helps to be exceptionally literate, too. Lisa says, "Ain't nobody claim you a winner." What does that even mean? Lisa interviews that Bianca is insecure and conceited. And, if I may add, kind of a pill. There is a confrontation, which all of the girls are privy to. Lisa begins to say something about how stank Bianca is, and Bianca says that Lisa is real lame. Lisa says she's not being disrespectful, but Bianca says she is. Heather tells us she was getting a headache. It is kind of a riot, when you look at the other girls, that Heather's supposed to be the one with social problems. Bianca says that she doesn't see Lisa as her competition, and then busts out with, "I'm not twenty, stripping in some club. You really think America's Next Top Model is going to be an exotic dancer? What a role model." Oooh, see, that was uncalled for. Lisa is stunned for a minute, and kind of squints her eyes before screaming, "YOU WANNA BRING IT TO THAT [BLEEP] LEVEL? YOU CAN BRING IT TO THAT [BLEEP] LEVEL." She's crying, and I think it's actually Ebony that wipes away the tears! Victoria says that she hates when girls fight, and it's all so high school. Something tells me that this dialogue would not be found within a hundred-mile radius of where Victoria went to high school.

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America's Next Top Model

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