Next we have Susan, 23, from Canton, Michigan. She is mercifully not a Brittany. Susan is, however, a recent Harvard grad. She thinks that being an Ivy League grad has given her more to prove as a model. Yes, the Harvard grads really have a difficult lot in life. Turns out Susan's major was English and American Literature and Language. If Susan thought pop quizzes were over once she graduated from Harvard, she was sadly mistaken, as Tyra asks her for her favorite English literature heroine. Susan's response? "I didn't pay that much attention in those classes." Oh, yes. If this moment does nothing else, it offers Tyra the opportunity to feel superior to yet another specialized group -- Harvard grads. She's heard of Jane Eyre, and she went to Paris when she was 13! What more could you ask from a human being! Tyra will not let up, as she tries to make Susan pose like White Fang and The Good Earth. Mine the rice, Susan, mine the rice! In an interview, Susan cops to being pretty embarrassed. After she leaves Tyra asks, "Why is it that I didn't go to an Ivy League school and I'm throwing out English and American literature?" Gosh, it must be because there are some brains behind all that forehead! Next to conquer: nuclear physicists and child prodigies.
Samantha, 18, from Woodland Hills, California, is up next and looks utterly bland and clueless. She wants to change the industry, to one that appreciates hot, skinny, all-American looking teenagers. It's a noble cause, indeed. Samantha can't name five models working today, which is cause for scorn and derision from the panel. For real, bitches, flip through a magazine on the plane.
Blessedly, Samantha is the last finalist we see, and now 20 of the 33 semi-finalists will move on to the next phase. The Jays are wearing pink shirts that are blinding me as we speak. Can I sue them for workman's comp? Each girl will get a hand scan and learn if access is granted or denied, and then the 20 finalists will have their first photo shoot. And the bitches moving forward are: Hannah, Brittany R., Lauren Brie, Analeigh, Lindsay, Elina, Kacey, Sheena, Isis, Brittany S., Joslyn, Samantha, Marjorie, Susan, Clark, Brittney B., Nikeysha and a few others. Veronique and Renee and a bunch of other jerks we never met are discarded like so many pollutants pumping from the giant smokestacks atop TMIT. My question is, couldn't they have gotten rid of at least ONE Brittany?