Tyra and the Jays (Alpha J. and Beta Jay, that is) are beamed into the interview room and prepare to see who's bankable. Jay Manuel at least managed to put on some normal pants while he was vaporized. First in front of panel is Brittney B. She's got her game face on and is hella confident. She tells Tyra she knows she's already won. And she doesn't mean it in the nice way, like, "I won because I get to stand here in front of the Great and Terrible Tyra Banks! We're all winners!" She means it in the way of she thinks she smoked the competition just by virtue of her stankitude. Jay asks who Brittney B.'s favorite designer is, and B.B. says she doesn't know because that's not accessible to her. Yeah, you guys from the Midwest know that it's really impossible to find a magazine in Chicago. Tyra calls bullshit and says she's not there to be B.B.'s damn Fashion 101 schoomarm. B.B. walks in her bikini, whilst clutching her lucky underwear in her hand. It's B.B.'s tragedy that she's a big weirdo in a completely uninteresting way. Nonetheless, Jay thinks her energy on the runway would be stunning.
Next up we have Lauren Brie, 20, whose dad is the chief of police. On Cheesemonger Island. He will apparently let guys who are interested in Lauren Brie see the gun on his ankle, but stops just short of actually shooting them. Because who wants to date a hunk of swiss? Lauren Brie thinks she's exotic-looking, perhaps because of her part-skim heritage. She's very blonde and blue-eyed. You've never seen anything like it, I know. Next up is Analeigh, 19, who used to be a figure skater. Analeigh is awfully pretty, and has a giant bling peace sign around her neck. Analeigh also got involved in some sort of scam where she thought she was going to be signed to an agency, but in fact she was sold to a Saudi Arabian prince. It's kind of like the time on Absolutely Fabulous that Eddie sold Saffy into slavery in Marrakech, except a little less riotously funny. I bet somewhere in America Tonya Harding is watching, and lamenting the fact that she never got sold to the Saudis as part of some nefarious human trafficking endeavor as well.













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