Next up is Lindsey, 23, from Clinton, Mississippi. She tells us that her husband thinks it's really funny that he's married to a plus-sized model. Which part of that exactly is funny, do you think? Tyra tells Lindsey that she's a little thin for plus-sized, just like Tyra herself. And besides, now that we've got the Whitney win out of the way, the plus-sized tokenism can finally come to an end. Sorry, everyone who is size six and above! Tyra compliments Lindsey on the lack of cellulite on her ass, then reminds us that she knows about cellulite. Because Tyra is real like that. Watch The Tyra Banks Show! Syndicated in more places than you could ever imagine!
Next up is another Brittany. Brittany R. is 19 years old from Henderson, Nevada. Brittany has a black mother and a Native American father, and has done some modeling -- she's even been the first African-American model to make it onto the cover of Las Vegas Weekly. She wants to prove to Vegas that black is beautiful, too. I thought that was what Celine's big Cirque de Soleil show was all about. Jay thinks that Brittany R. has a beautiful look and gorgeous skin.
We are introduced to Hannah via some footage of the girls eating. Hannah tells us that she's there to represent not only Alaska, but all the middle-class girls who grew up coveting what the bitch next door had. In the middle of it all Kacey cracks on Isis for the way she eats broccoli, and Isis shoots back that when you get old enough to do your own thing, you can eat broccoli any way that you please. The broccoli is symbolic here, right? My broccoli doesn't have to be pinned down to a label just to make other people comfortable, okay? It can look as much like a piece of cauliflower as it wants to.
Hannah says that her personality is really sweet, and also that she's ignorant and doesn't really see a lot of things going on around her. Way to talk yourself up. Hannah says that growing up she didn't have electricity, water or heat, which made things kind of problematic when it was 50 below. From the igloo to the catwalk -- it's a success story for the ages. And seriously, isn't Fairbanks kind of... a city? And don't people in Alaska have some basic amenities? When I watched the Fox News special Sarah Palin: An American Woman last night, she had a big ol' bottle of ketchup on the table. That doesn't seem so far removed from life in the continental 48. Hannah was once chased by a moose in Alaska. Tyra wants to reenact this scene, with herself as the moose. I'm not even going to touch that. They then switch roles, so Tyra can show Hannah how to run fiercely. We then break into a very small crazy losers montage. I really think the premiere suffers when we don't get a long and involved crazy losers montage. For next year I would suggest more crazy losers and less Glaminating.