America's Next Top Model

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Glaminate Me, Oh Fierce Tyrabot!

What Isis does not have, however, are enormous Joe E. Tatas. Some of the other girls notice her concave boobage, and call her over. Isis knows what this is all about. Kacey asks, "Is it true?" and Isis is all, "Is what true?" Kacey wants to know about the x and the y chromosomes, of course. Isis says that she was not physically born a female. There are some awkward looks, and you can feel some shade bubbling up in a few of the girls. Kacey interviews that she wonders how Isis got through the door in a girl competition. Someone asks what will happen if they have to do a nude scene, and Isis simply says that she'll take care of it. She's there to win, she says, and she's not going to let these bitches get her down. Sheena takes this opportunity to step up to the plate of awesomeness and says that the best person for the competition is going to win, and what should matter is your spirit and how much you want to be there. Isis smiles... with her eyes. She's got a leg up already. Sheena interviews that it's very commendable for Isis to be so brave and secure with who she is, and not let anything bother her. On the opposite end of the awesome spectrum, Clark gossips about Isis with some of the other girls, then interviews that she'll get along with Isis if she has to, but if Isis gets in her way she'll stomp that man right out of the competition. When the Clark smackdown comes -- and trust me, it will -- it's going to be spectacular. And if Clark should be strangled by a giant hoop earring in the middle of the night, that would be spectacular as well. Commercials.

When we return, we get Sheena! Yay! She speaks of herself in the third person, which might be annoying if I didn't already love her so much. Sheena goes hard, fights hard and loves hard, and says that she is truly one of a kind. All of Sheena's friends call her Kimora, because of her resemblance to the erstwhile ANTM judge. Sheena is half-Japanese and half-Korean and so doesn't know where her abundance of flava comes from. She does have a black boyfriend, but doesn't discriminate -- she likes all colors and all flavors. Kacey could learn a trick or two. Sheena, who has a bangin' body, okay, interviews that race does not define us. Tyra says that there's room for another Kimora in the world, then instantly gets scared that Kimora is going to somehow be beamed in from the Glaminator and cut her. I would be too.

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America's Next Top Model

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