They Got Little Baby Legs/ And They Stand So Low/ You Got To Pick 'Em Up/Just To Say Hello
"What's up, people? I'm Jenascia!" The camera pans down, down, down, past the earthen-dwelling ants and grubs who can lift ten times their body weight. There she is! Awwww, I almost stepped on her by accident! She's back, and hoo boy if she ain't just the wackiest thing you ever did see! "That's right, still slinging chicken wings!" She's in full Hooters regalia, walking through the front door of her job at a Seattle branch of the famed eatery. Ladies walk in a titty fashion, men loiter at the bar, wives back at home ask their trusted member of the clergy if this means their husbands are cheating on them, and a vague sense of all-encompassing desperation is always on tap. She asks the men at the bar if they need anything else at this time, and they respond with stony silence, which inspires her to quip "Good, because I didn't want to get it anyways [sic]!" Ha! Such ironic subversion, what with her vocational requirement being all about getting things for people. She's like Noel Coward! In a Hooters! And much, much shorter! And if you thought that was good, you won't believe what this latter-day political gadfly -- seriously, she should make a polemical documentary about labor abuses at Hooters and name it Fahrenheit Preheat To 450 -- does next! She pulls out a stuffed chicken -- prop work! -- which dances when wound up. She puts it on the counter and announces, "There's [sic] your [sic] guys' [sic] entertainment for the day. I'm gonna be doing my crossword puzzle. Enjoy." I will! I WILL enjoy!
Short short short, bippity boppity short. Blah.
In a post-short confessional, Jenascia wants us to understand, "To be totally honest with you, I've always wanted to act. And I felt like maybe modeling would be a good step into it. I'm very interested in comedy. Saturday Night Live, call me!" And really, it's not my place to step all over her dreams as I have so frequently (albeit accidentally) trampled her actual head, but doesn't a job on Saturday Night Live require being a writer? Or an actor? Or a performer of some kind? Again, not to dance all over her dreams. But I just can't help it. They're so small and the grass is so high!
"Yay, Jenascia, you shoud've won!" cries a chorus drunken boozehounds at the bar, with one following up, "You're not too short!" Were the panel only to have included Tyra, Janice, Eric, and any card-carrying member of the Hooters Itty Bitty Titty Committee Drink Card. Which may or may not be a real thing. Because I've never been inside a Hooters. Because the doggone girl is not mine.