And then there was Claire. Even though she was separated from her daughter, she felt their special connection daily, via a breast pump. The girls were kind of freaked out about it at first, and didn't necessarily love it when Claire spilled it all over the floor. Claire joked about how breast milk is going to be a hot commodity, and that she would sell hers for $50 a bottle. The poor cows of the world are like, "All we get is grass and cold man-hands. We need a union."

Makeovers were next! Tyra, desiring to be extra cruel to her models-in-training, made sure the new looks were a mystery even to the girls. And then, desiring to be extra cruel to her audience, she popped up in a little TV within our TV, called "Tyravision," for some superfluous narration. Sometimes I have nightmares that I am trapped inside of Tyravision but the rest of the world has the sound off and so can't hear my cries for help. Fatima's orange hair was swapped out for a long, luxurious weave, then replanted on Allison's head. Poor Stacy-Ann got the Buckwheat, but managed not to cry about it. Top Model builds character!

And then we get to spend a little time exploring how weird Dominique is. She gives the girls a lecture about how life is love, and it's all about living in the moment, and it's important to maintain who you are. And then she kind of compares herself to Martin Luther King, because she has a dream, too. I would say that MLK Jr. guffaws in his grave rather than rolls. She also wants to be like Donald Trump and, I quote, "I wanna be like freakin' Mother Teresa, but in a diva kind of way, okay?" There is a whole book of notable quotables to be found inside her mannish frame.

The girls next posed on a boat in Elle MacPherson's lingerie line. Elle gave some good advice to the girls, but Marvita, suffering from seasickness and, it appears, diarrhea, struggled not to throw up. In the end, though, the poo did not conquer her and she turned it out. Lauren was also surprisingly awesome and sexy. Allison and Dominique, however, struggled to stay afloat. Dominique looked like the bra girl in the Sears sale flyer, while Allison was both stiff and a pill. Allison was sent home, complaining of the injustice of the judges not liking her emotionless robotic personality. She took with her a consolation prize -- a lifetime supply of A1.

As we had surmised from the beginning, Amis was kind of nutty. She also had a tendency to break lamps. Maybe she just knew that dim lighting would benefit her in the competition. As it turned out, Amis was Marvita's dog. They bonded in their wackiness, and liked to dress up and pretend they were in a band. Whitney tells us that Amis is crazy, and if you tied her to a tree she'd argue with it. Well, trees so rarely get stimulating dialogue. Not that Amis would really be able to help with that, I guess. Amis argues with Whitney that gay love is just as good as, if not better, than regular love, and says that she hates herself and her boyfriend. She sings "Little Bunny Foo Foo." She acknowledges and embraces her weirdness, and that's what made her so marginally likeable.