America's Next Top Model

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Top Model 10 Confidential

Previously on ANTM: Claire became the seventh bootee, and everyone needed a little break. So it's time for the annual clip show! We'll learn about Claire's lactose-loving ways, Marvita's magic hands, and some kind of big bed model wrasslin'. Expect to learn some new facts, in the "all birds are blind" vein.

So, as you might remember, the season started at Top Model Prep, where 35 hopefuls had to endure Miss J. in a bow tie. And they also apparently had to endure Modeling 101 with Mr. Jay and his orange chesticles. Oh wait! The class is actually called "Expressions 101." Doesn't that sound like a Designer Imposters parfum? The modeling industry, Jay tells his pupils, is all about selling imagery. And we do that with our faces. [Potes raises hand.] Um, Mr. Jay, can we also sell imagery with...images? [Mr. Jay sends Potes to the office.] Jay has each girl take out their mirrored composition books -- Marvita is like, "They did not allow this shit in juvie," -- to study their faces. He asks them to give him a look of horror. I've been doing that for eight straight seasons. Do I get an automatic A? Marvita tells us that she looks in the mirror all the time, but it usually has more to do with dancing naked than with posing. We'll see some visual evidence related to this later on. Jay then asks the girls to growl like a lion, and then to look like they just tasted a sour lemon. Dominique confesses to us that in her day-to-day life, when she's cooking for example, she'll stop and think how she'd pose if she were in an ad. For some reason with Dominique I think the ad would always be for maxi-pads with wings. She just has that fresh and free look about her, I guess. Modeling, she continues, is about being a real person. A real, IQ-challenged person.

During break times, the girls got to assess their competition. Oh! And then Fatima called the other black girls "ghetto" and all kinds of heck broke loose. Marvita clutched her pearls, and Shaya was determined to be Shaya. Remember Shaya? Yeah, me neither.

And then Stacy-Ann auditions. In addition to her famous lap dance that traumatized Jay Manuel for weeks, she sang a song. It went a little something like this, "Top Model, this is the thing / I got it in my lips / My fierce, fierce lips / I'm the next! Top! Model!" They don't call her Joni-Ann Mitchell for nothing. And then Whitney auditioned, and talked about the plight of the plus-sized girls. You know who went through a plight that was maybe a little more serious than trying to squeeze your 160 pound body into a size four sample? Fatima, who endured genital mutilation as a young girl in Somalia. It's odd how we haven't really heard about that very much throughout the rest of the season, isn't it? I guess it just doesn't rate with bickering over the coffee press. The other girls felt bad for Fatima when they learned about her past, and then Marvita busted in to ask her if she now feels like less of a woman. Compared to Marvita, I'm sure Fatima was feeling more womanly than ever at that particular moment.

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America's Next Top Model

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