America's Next Top Model

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Top Model 10 Confidential

It was tough for Tyra to choose the final cast for the show, but she did it with her customary robotic panache. Oh! And then Tyra threw a curve ball when she announced that a fourteenth girl would be joining the cast. It was Dominique, who told us yet again how real she is while referring to herself as "The Diva Dominique." Little did we all know.

The final fourteen headed to New York City, hooray! The girls hit their new loft with a vengeance. Anya was screaming and jumping up and down, she was so excited. And then Amis discovered the loft's truly distinguishing feature -- a bidet. This made Dominique feel at home, because she apparently has a bidet and really likes to wash her butt. You can't argue with that. Claire wondered if the bidet was actually a urinal, while Lauren speculated that she was going to drink out of it. Maybe for the makeovers they could have used it like a shampoo sink, too.

Some girls, we discover, had to learn all about the perils of living on their own. Kim asks the other girls if they know how to make hot chocolate. That water to powder ratio really can be tricky sometimes. She tries to put the coffee pot directly on the stove, and Amis gently tells her that's not how it works, thus preventing the lodging of shards of hot glass in those pretty, pretty faces and the moniker, "The Cycle of Tragedy." Amis thinks that Kimberly benefits from her stupid, gimmicky stereotype, and it's awesome and charming. Something tells me that she's maybe being a little sarcastic there at the end. Fatima puts it more plainly, saying that Kimberly is a child. Kim tells the others that she knows how to make hot chocolate after the water's already hot and Amis replies, "Yeah, you just stir it in, you genius." I'd be laughing more if I could tear my eyes away from how pointy Amis' boobs are. I'm sorry, I've been conditioned by intensively recapping Rock of Love for the past four months. Anyway, the upshot of all of this is that Kim is pretty dumb.

The girls had their first encounter with new judge Paulina Porizkova when she gave them brutally honest critiques. She pointed out Amis' bad skin, Claire's hair that looked like it had been cut with a lawnmower, and Fatima's smallish eyes. Fatima opened her eyes wide to try to counter Paulina, and Paulina suggested that she not look so manic. And then, the money shot. Paulina told Dominique that she looked like a transvestite version of Robin Wright Penn, and even Elite's staff '70s game show host, Neal Hamil, had to let out a gasp, then admit that Paulina is fabulous.

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America's Next Top Model

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