America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Top Model Takes It to the Streets

Battles! First, we have Dominique versus Claire. Dominique is one sinewy bitch. Claire works a backbend. They tie, with one point each. Marvita interviews that Dominique did a good job, adding that Dominique is kind of like a drag queen. Next we have Lauren versus Marvita. Lauren wastes no time getting on the ground. The queens wave their fingers at her, and she doesn't know if that means she's doing well or poorly. The finger-waving queen presents a conundrum to most pale, gawky girls. Dominique tells us that Lauren whipped ass like she didn't even know she could. Marvita, meanwhile, wasn't putting much emotion into it. Lauren gets two points compared to Marvita's one. I guess the finger-waving was the highest form of praise!

Next we have Anya versus Stacy-Ann. Anya looks like a big, super-legged freaky cockroach. In a good way. Stacy-Ann knows it, so gets on her back and throws her legs up in the air. It works, and the girls tie with two points apiece. Next is Fatima versus Whitney. Fatima tells us that Whitney is like one of those obnoxious cheerleaders in high school who sleeps with all the football players. And you hate her. Because she's racist. Whitney does a split and there's a lot of cheering, probably because the queens didn't think that the fat girl had it in her. With her peripheral vision, Whitney notices that Fatima is getting closer and closer to her. Soon, Fatima is actually on top of Whitney and gets her crotch right in Whitney's face. That is some killer instinct right there. Whitney ends up winning on a technicality, with three points to Fatima's two. Finally, we have Katarzyna versus Aimee. Katarzyna deduces that the audience loves freaky poses, so gets on the ground to court their favor. It works, as she wins by four points to two.

Benny announces that Team B has won! Marvita is juiced, even though she lost points for them and is thus freeloading. Vendela and Benny determine that Claire was the best poser of all, and thus will get the super prize. Let me just say that Claire only had one point, as opposed to Katarzyna's four. Benny Ninja is totally racist against dark-haired Polish girls. Team B heads to the swag tent, where they get stuff. Marvita assures us that it's not cheap, fake stuff -- this shit is real. Each girl gets a bag, and gets to try on sunglasses, and can take T-shirts and handbags and the like. Oh, and pink guitars. Of course. Claire, meanwhile, gets a trip to Bora Bora! She's really excited. Whitney thinks that Claire did good, but not that good. She adds, "I'm a plus-sized girl doing splits! Hello!" She has a point.

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America's Next Top Model




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