When we return, there is Tyra Mail: "You want to be there. You know you do. Don't lie, dahling. THE DAY OF DISCOVERY is upon us. Can you find your SMIZE? Fierce and Love, Tyra." So, that is like the haiku version of what the Modelland video shoot is going to be like. You will run the gamut of emotion from, "Huh?" to "What the fuck?" The girls head in their van to the set of one of Greece's most popular television series, The Island. Jay Manuel tells them that they should be very excited, because they'll be directed in a motion editorial by none other than Miss Tyra Banks. Tyra shows up in her raggedy wig, distinctly unglamorous and ready to work. She tells the models that she's been working on something for the past four to five years. Which: HA. It might have taken her four years to find a ghostwriter willing to take on this insanity, but: girl, please. Haters gonna hate, which is cool, because they are my people. Tyra whips out a copy of Modelland, which I am here to tell you is a thick-ass book. In today's motion editorial, the girls will be bringing Modelland to life.
Jay then fellates Tyra for a while by talking about how the book is a New York Times best seller. The knife, it twists and turns. Tyra explains that Modelland is about a modeling school on the top of a mountain. Very few girls get to attend Modelland. And boy, are they mean to the Muggles! Er, "Nuggles." The main character is named "Tookie." Yes, Tookie. So, basically this whole thing is Harry Potter meets Facts of Life. We can only hope for a Cousin Jeri cameo. Tookie is of course inspired by Tyra's own teen self. She's gangly and awkward and calls herself a "forget-a-girl." When Tyra gets early onset Alzheimer's, this is exactly what it's going to sound like. Tyra tells us that Modelland is a fun, campy, fantastical romp through Tookie's journey of friendship and bullies and embracing her own unique beauty. Each model will represent different versions of Tookie in the motion editorial. Jay explains that the whole thing will be shot out of order, like a real movie, and that they'll be shooting for two days. The actual finished product will be shown both this week and next week in judging. Too much pork for just one fork, I guess.